The Dilemma that never goes away..

.. to go back to work or not. I keep coming back to this question, every now and then…

One of the times, that I thank my stars that I am not working is when daughter falls ill. To be honest, I have been itching to get back to work, but when she falls ill, all those itches vanish.

I am sure most work places accept that children do fall ill, but I had the sad experience of working with a person, who was out to make life difficult for me. And that is all that I remember when I remember the time when I worked when Poohi was little.

When I took a break from work, it was supposed to be short break. I had never even thought of being a SAHM. The thought had never crossed my mind. I never thought I had it in me to stay at home, and be happy( I do suspect that blogging, and the wonderful libraries here have helped) . I had always planned that I would take a year off after she was born, and then join back. That never happened. My former boss(who is the best boss, one could possibly have), tempted me with a wonderful role. I joined back when Poohi was 5.5 months old. The full implication of my decision came through when I got the boss from hell, and husband working in Europe. By the end of the year, all I wanted was to just stay at home. Husband was surprised, he had never pegged me down as someone who would be happy being at home. Clearly, neither of us knew me. I loved it! After a year of unpaid leave, I sent in my resignation – happy to enjoy my freedom – it sounds funny, but that is what it felt like! I loved(still do) spending time with daughter, and not being pulled in all directions.

Then every now and then I would consider going back to work, and would decide against it, for various reasons. The main reason being that I did not feel motivated enough to.

My biggest worry is that I will get bored when daughter starts to need me less. I would hate to leave it for so long that I can no longer get back. Then again, I could go in for alternative jobs – something different, something out-of-the-way, something that does gives me a lot more satisfaction than a job.. Who knows.. As I said, I keep going back and forth. The doubts keep cropping up every now and then. Husband is extremely supportive, probably my biggest encouragement, he believes that I will get a job as soon as I try 🙂 As if! But do I want that job? Do I want my career back or am I totally happy being a SAHM? That is something I have to decide.

But I have a question for you guys. Have any of you gone back to work after a long break? I have been away for 4 years now. How did you find it? Does it get easier when the child is at full-time school or are there other issues that will crop up?

To meet or not to meet..

a deadline..

It had been a while since I had stringent deadlines to meet. I had fit into the role of a SAHM, with unexpected ease. The only strict deadline I meet these days is getting daughter to school on time. Once that is done, I have a comparatively easy and tension-free day. After years of crazy work schedules and near impossible deadlines, the life I lead now, is almost idyllic in comparison.  There were days, when I used to see mothers pushing buggies on the road and wonder how it must feel. Well, I know now.

I had quite forgotten how it was to have a deadline and the feeling one gets, when it is about to be missed. Today, however, I had a deadline that I thought I would miss – that of the NaBloPoMo post. Normally, I plan in advance for most of my deadlines, and am normally comfortably within the acceptable time limits. Today, was a different ball game altogether.

We had no concrete plans for today. I had been feeling rather under the weather after last night’s movie. I am not a night owl, and late nights really pull me down. It was at the last-minute that we decided to drive up to Yorkshire Dales to a waterfall trail. I left home, with clothes drying outside, definite that we would be back before nightfall. Fate had other plans. We ended up eating out and getting home very late. So late that it was pitch dark outside, which is saying something, as it is light up to 10, on most days here, these days. Along with the darkening sky, I had this fear, that I would miss the post, which is something I just did not want to do.

I have this thing about deadlines. I cannot bear to miss it. I think the competitive spirit in me kicks in as soon as I am on the verge of messing things up. I have always managed to meet deadlines and thankfully, managed to scrape through today as well.

How good are you with deadlines? Do you like them? Or do you find deadlines terribly restricting? I do know that creative people are normally not too fond of deadlines. That, I guess indicates how non-creative, I am. I thrive on deadlines. I love that adrenaline rush that it gives me. And it also reminded me of all the parts of my job that I used to enjoy. The madness, the craziness and the joy when deadlines were met, clients were satisfied.. and that feeling that you gave it your all..