The Dilemma that never goes away..

.. to go back to work or not. I keep coming back to this question, every now and then…

One of the times, that I thank my stars that I am not working is when daughter falls ill. To be honest, I have been itching to get back to work, but when she falls ill, all those itches vanish.

I am sure most work places accept that children do fall ill, but I had the sad experience of working with a person, who was out to make life difficult for me. And that is all that I remember when I remember the time when I worked when Poohi was little.

When I took a break from work, it was supposed to be short break. I had never even thought of being a SAHM. The thought had never crossed my mind. I never thought I had it in me to stay at home, and be happy( I do suspect that blogging, and the wonderful libraries here have helped) . I had always planned that I would take a year off after she was born, and then join back. That never happened. My former boss(who is the best boss, one could possibly have), tempted me with a wonderful role. I joined back when Poohi was 5.5 months old. The full implication of my decision came through when I got the boss from hell, and husband working in Europe. By the end of the year, all I wanted was to just stay at home. Husband was surprised, he had never pegged me down as someone who would be happy being at home. Clearly, neither of us knew me. I loved it! After a year of unpaid leave, I sent in my resignation – happy to enjoy my freedom – it sounds funny, but that is what it felt like! I loved(still do) spending time with daughter, and not being pulled in all directions.

Then every now and then I would consider going back to work, and would decide against it, for various reasons. The main reason being that I did not feel motivated enough to.

My biggest worry is that I will get bored when daughter starts to need me less. I would hate to leave it for so long that I can no longer get back. Then again, I could go in for alternative jobs – something different, something out-of-the-way, something that does gives me a lot more satisfaction than a job.. Who knows.. As I said, I keep going back and forth. The doubts keep cropping up every now and then. Husband is extremely supportive, probably my biggest encouragement, he believes that I will get a job as soon as I try 🙂 As if! But do I want that job? Do I want my career back or am I totally happy being a SAHM? That is something I have to decide.

But I have a question for you guys. Have any of you gone back to work after a long break? I have been away for 4 years now. How did you find it? Does it get easier when the child is at full-time school or are there other issues that will crop up?

The Tragedy of a Working Woman turned SAHM

– Some of the currently working women almost look down on you because they feel that you have

  • Wasted your education
  • Lost your independence
  • Wonder if you don’t feel trapped into not going back to work
  • Wonder how your child would feel later about your quitting work

– Some of the SAHM* from the beginning types

  • Applaud you on your ‘sacrifice’
  • Look for ways to tell you how you don’t match up, because obviously, this is not your forte

Either way, we are doomed 😦 Why, I wonder? Is it so necessary to judge? After all, all of us do things/make decisions that work for us as a family. What might work for me, might not work for you. We all make choices that make sense to us.  Life after all is not a mold into which all us fit perfectly, is it?

*SAHM – Stay at home mother

So, tell me, are you working?

No, Not really..

I just relax at home and at the snap of my fingers, little elves do the dishes, put the washing in the washing machine, cook, clean, vacuum, clean toilets, bathtubs, tidy up.. Apart from bathing, feeding and looking after my daughter, grocery shopping, play dates.. I just laze around and relax!

Yes, thats what SAHMs* do! We just have a lazy, lazy life, don’t we?


* SAHM – Stay at home mother