The best sort of worries..

…have to be the unfounded ones…

One of the biggest worries I had with all this shuttling back and forth, across countries was Daughter.

One of the reasons I wanted to move back to Bangalore was to put an end to our nomadic lifestyle and put down roots. The dream that I had of daughter growing up in one place, with friends that she would have known for ages. Not a huge deal, I know, but one can fantasize..

Clearly that was not what was ordained for us. And it really worried me that we were turning daughter’s life upside-down, too much, too often. The biggest challenge has always been getting the right school. By the right school, what mean, if course, if the right environment for her, where she is allowed to be herself, while being pushed into improving herself.. Too much to ask for, I know. Any school will do, as far as she’s happy, I guess. In India, I just went with the only school where I managed to get admission into, hoping that it would be fine. It was, thankfully, and it also had loads of children from our apartment so things were smooth.

Moving back to UK, came with its own set of school related worries. Especially since it was midterm, and chances of getting anywhere decent would be slim. I had resigned to the fact that she might get into some not-so-great schools, as the others would certainly be over subscribed.

To my absolute astonishment(delighted astonishment, I have to say), she got into a very good school. A bit farther than I would have liked, but that hardly matters, does it, as far as she is in a happy, secure environment.

It was her first day today, and she is back happy. Can’t ask for more.

From the oven into the freezer.

This had been sitting in my drafts, for a week, and I just can’t do without publishing it. Lots of things have happened since we landed here, and there is so much to write about. While I type it all out, do read about out first day in Glasgow:)

That’s what our situation is.

We had been in hot, sweltering Bangalore and Wayanad in the last three weeks. Daughter claimed that she could feel herself melting away into water. Suddenly, we land in Glasgow where we are almost frozen into ice.

We came here with light, summery clothes, with light spring jackets, only to be jolted by the cold. We were greeted by icy winds and cold rain! So cold that the first thing we did was shop for warm jackets. Which wasn’t easy either, seeing that most shops were filled with spring/summer clothes. It felt rather silly, searching the racks for winter clothes. But looking silly was far more acceptable than freezing to death.

Thankfully, we did manage to get warm clothes that did their jobs. Glasgow was so cold that it had us wishing for warm weather. Almost. Actually not, because the heat of Bangalore was a bit too fresh on our memories:)

We certainly did not let the cold keep us indoors, though. We drove around, walked by Loch Lomond, went to almost all the shopping centres in town, searching for warm clothes, things that we needed for Solihull(that requires a post for itself), and enjoyed being a family again.

Little things..

..that make a world of difference to me these days..

– over hearing daughter’s friend saying,’ your mom’s really nice’ and daughter agreeing,’ Yes, she is, she’s the loveliest mum!’. That just made my day.

– help pouring in when I need it the most. In the form of play dates for daughter, getting people who might be interested in buying my furniture. Even forwarding an email, makes so much of a difference. Meena, you are one of those angels:)

– friends travelling from the other side of town, just to meet us, some with their tiny babies.. Makes me feel so blessed.

– getting free books at Landmark:) We got so many three for two deals, that we hauled back far more books than we had thought possible. Of course it threw all my planning out of the door, but books are certainly worth the trouble, no?

– seeing furniture go. The first time it happened, it broke my heart. The next time onwards, my heart shouted out in glee. One more gone! One less to worry about.

– losing and finding things. If I had a penny for all the things I lost and found in the last few days… Finding them again is so delightful!

– Rain! Never thought I’d say this, and will probably nor say it again until we get back to India again, but right now, rain makes me want to go dance in it:)

– family, friends, neighbors checking on you. Especially friends and neighbors, people who I have known for less than a year, but yet have grown close to. The one big advantage of frequent moves, has to be, getting to meet so many new people.

As I type this, I realize that I am indeed blessed. Most difficult things in life, do come with a silver lining.

Back to Square One(almost)

In other words – we might just have to go back to the UK.

Returning back was something, I was confident, we would not end up doing.

Just goes to show how unpredictable life is, and even the best laid plans are not enough – sometimes. We might need to go back to the UK. We might have to return, not for the usual reasons, but because we can’t find a job here!

Eight years in the UK, we refused to put down roots there. Mainly because India always felt like home, and there was nothing we looked forward to more than coming back to Bangalore and living the dream we dreamed. Everything was as per plan, when we moved back in July. Or rather, until Daughter and I moved back – husband was still there for a while, until he got a job in Bangalore. How difficult would it be? Not too difficult, is what I had assumed, husband was far more realistic, even then. But clearly, I assumed wrong. Apparently, most companies just want him to go back abroad on projects. That doesn’t exactly bode well for our, ‘End of nomadic existence’ plan, does it? If we have to be abroad, we would stick to his current job, and stay in one place – UK, rather than be shunted back and forth on projects while being an India employee.

So right now, we are wondering if we took the decision too quickly, if we should have waited till husband got a job before relocating. At that time, this seemed the best thing to do, to come here at the start of the academic year, so that daughter would not have to miss much, so that she could settle in easier. And it worked too – to that extent. Daughter is comfortable, well settled in school but missing her Daddy terribly. She just cannot understand why he can’t get a job here, or why he can’t just come here and find a job.. It’s taking a toll on all of us but hopefully, we will be able to look back at this phase and smile, in a few years time.

Hoping for the best, here we are gearing up for the worst – having to pack up and head back. After a year apart – we plan to give it a year – until the end of this academic year, and lots of money(and effort) spent on the apartment(and other things), we might just have to head back. The mere thought of that make my heart sink. While it would be wonderful to be back with husband, I only wish it were him joining us, rather than the other way around. The main reason we decided to move back – parents, would still be a reason which makes it tough for me to go back. It feels really bad to be so far away, at a time when they might need us… I so wish we were living some place closer to home.

On the positive side -I do believe that daughter would have it better there – in many ways, education, opportunities. And most importantly, safety. Every time I read the newspaper, it scares me. I know, its silly to worry like this,but one can’t help worry. As I have mentioned earlier, I had/have my doubts if India is the best place for daughter, but I was still hopeful that we would be fine. Every country comes with own set of problems, but being in India had so many things we were looking forward to. Being close to family, the fun, that feeling of belonging, and to be finally able to set down roots. For daughter, it is those simple things like being able to play outside everyday. Not having to worry about rain spoiling her playtime. But after the first few months of soaking in the new place, the new atmosphere, now, she has started missing her old school, and friends and also comparing them. Although she hasn’t been very upset, she does wonder why they don’t do some things in the school here, like experiments. But she’s alright, and I suspect she will be perfectly at peace here, once husband gets to join us. Right now, I think the situation has started to unsettle her, just a bit.

Being in a situation like this is annoying, and frustrating, to say the least, the uncertainty, killing. ‘Suspended equilibrium’, sort of situation. No idea which way we go. I’ve stopped getting work done on the flat. We had been looking forward to so many things, not knowing that what we would get is uncertainty and confusion. Right now, I would settle for some definite plans – either way, it would just be good to know which way.

Taking one day at a time, doing just what needs doing, at the moment, keeping our fingers crossed, and hoping that whatever be the outcome, we have the strength to face it, and make the most of it. And if we do go back, one thing is for sure, we would not be doing any relocation, unless all of us move together – lessons learnt, eh?