Undomestic (un)goddess?

Deepa had tagged me quite a while back to list out my ‘domestic horrors’.  Well, that should not be very difficult for me, should it? That’s what I do 🙂

The only tough thing, would be , to ‘choose’ what to list out here.. I do have a bunch to choose from, you know 🙂 What can I say, domesticity and me were(are) poles apart. The only reason, I think I am enjoying being an SAHM is thanks to my busy blogging life 🙂

1. I actually started to cook by myself around the time that I started work.. Most of it was restricted to Maggi 🙂 One time, a bunch of us decided to ‘cook’ properly. We put rice and dal into separate containers in the pressure cooker and waited. After a couple of whistles – according to one of us- we opened it , only to find that the rice had overflowed all over and it was a right mess! That was the end of our ‘proper’ cooking 🙂

2. The only thing I could profess to cook reasonably well was aloo paranthas.. I love them and was quite good at them. So the first time, that I was in the US, I decided to treat my friends to aloo paranthas.. Well, I had no idea that the smoke alarm could go off, with all that cooking in oil and when it went off.. I almost jumped out of my skin! I was not sure if the police had landed on my house or what? Thankfully, one of us had an idea and managed to calm down the smoke alarm with a wet towel.. That was actually quite scary – for me – at that time 🙂

3. Well, they do say that when you get really competent at something – you will be able to repeat your successes without much ado.. Well, it is quite clear that I have not reached that level of success in cooking, at least. I am someone who can mess up even the simplest dal – and not have a clue as to what went wrong! The other day, we had some friends over for dinner and I made my tried and tested Dum aloo and Baingan ka bharta – only to realise that both turned out totally non tasty! And I have no idea what went wrong! Thankfully, we had some delicious starters  – store bought and delicious cake – made by yours truly as well as some homemade strawberry ice cream, to save the day. Needless to say the leftovers had to be thrown in the garbage – it was salvageable 😦

4. We have had a lot of unpalatable meals that have been turned out by me. But the one which took the cake was a meal by our cooks – we had decided to do ‘core competency outsourcing’  as cooking was not the ‘core competency ‘ of either of us 🙂 . In the stream of cooks that we had, one time, we had a couple coming to cook for us. The lady used to do most of the cooking and her husband would give her company. She was a vegetarian but he told us that he could make a wonderful egg curry.  And since it had been some time since we had it, we asled him to make it for us. Normally, I tell them how I want things cooked. Most of the cooks we had were Gujaratis and cooking without sugar was anthema for them. While I cannot stand sugar in savory dishes.. So I used to give them strict instructions as to how I like things cooked. Now, this time, he was totally insistent that he knew how to make it -‘ just let me do it – you will love it, everybody loves my egg curry’ sort of thing.. So I let it be. We got home that evening – starving, only to open the dish and almost pass out.. In the name of egg curry was a gooey mass with some signs of onions and tomatoes ! He had broken the eggs – 6 eggs into the onion and tomato gravy  – and it looked horrible !!! That was the most horrible disastrous food that I had even seen! He surpassed even me in terms of cooking fiascos!! We did a takeaway that night.

5.  Another time, another maid, another disaster. Now, no matter how bad I am at cooking, I am quite paraniod about making sure that all the burners and hotplates are turned off. One time,on my way back home, with daughter, as I entered the corridor leading to my flat,  I could hear the fire alarm ringing away.. I remember thinking – oh looks like somebody’s left something on! The fire alarm in our apartments where quite sensitive – it used to go off when I iron clothes! And as I entered into the flat – I was greeted with thick black fumes! I almost had a heart attack!. Here I was with my 9 month old daughter and the house is all black! Husband was out of country and for a minute I did not know what to do. I somehow managed to leave the door open, and ran inside to check it out. My cook had left the hotplate on with the pressure cooker on it. The pressure cooker’s safety valve had gone off and the contents where charred black! Thank fully as we did not have a gas burner – nothing was on fire. The black smoke was coming from the pressure cooker! I was so so angry with my cook! That was the last time she worked for us! It was just pure luck that the only thing damaged was the pressure cooker!

Listing down domestic disasters just reminds me that I have to lot of work pending – in the ‘ domestic area’, so I’m off to do it now. I am not tagging anybody – mainly because I am too lazy to get all the links and put it here.. So consider yourselves tagged 🙂 All of you 🙂