Of missed buses and posts

I spoke too soon when I mentioned my lovely Sunday. It came to bite me yesterday.

After two lovely days, the weather decided that we have had our share, back to normal programming. Just about to hit five in the evening and a colleague glances out of the window and says, ‘Is that rain or is it snow?’.

The good news was that it wasn’t snow, but it was the heaviest possible rain. Another colleague came back from outside announcing that,’ it is absolutely chucking it down’.

Now that didn’t help me. I was supposed to use the public transport (long story, if I ever get the time to write it all down, you’ll get to hear it :). Any way to cut the long story short, my efforts at using public transport came to grinding halt. It took me 45 mins to get a bus to travel a distance which should have taken me 25 mins if I walked and under 8 mins by bus ( because the bus takes a longer route). Why didn’t I just walk? Because it was pouring, no chucking it down and with just a rain jacket, I would be completely soaked by the time I got home. Of course, it wasn’t just raining, it was also biting cold. My feet started hurting even though I was standing in the shelter of a bus stop. And who knew it would take so long to get a bus anyway.

You know how it works? You wait for a bus for 5 mins, and then think lets try another 5. Now that you’ve waited 10, what if you start walking and miss the bus which, with my luck, would arrive at the stop, at the precise moment that you are too far to run back. So calculating all that, you stay put. Hoping that the bus would arrive. I didn’t just rely on the bus, I even tried the taxis. However, it was the wrong day! Traffic was apparently held up and they couldn’t give me any guarantee of when they could get a taxi to me. Not wanting to have two uncertainties, of buses and taxis, I decided to wait it out. And a proper wait it was, 45 mins of standing in freezing cold with gusts of wind bringing stinging rain hurtling towards you. Not pleasant at all.

Buses aren’t the only things I’ve been missing. I’ve also missed posts. I’ve missed two posts since the start of this marathon. But given that I have plenty of things to worry about, I’m not going to stress myself out on this. If I do get the time to make up for the posts I missed, I will, although I wouldn’t hold my breath.

That is about all I can type up, although my mind, for a change has been churning out stuff to write down, my eyes refuse to cooperate. They are ready to shut shop for the day. Gnight.

Ramblings on a Sunny Sunday

Yes, you read that right. I did say sunny. It’s probably been months since its been this gorgeous.

The last few months have been miserable. Pouring and grey. I was particularly unhappy because my dad got to see the worst of the weather here. The only silver lining was that it didn’t snow. At least with the weather being the way it was, he still managed to go for long walks and dropped and picked up Daughter from school. It gave him something to do and made daughter’s life much easier. She didn’t have to wait until 5:30 in the after school club for me to pick her up.

Next week is going to be a real challenge for us, as dad’s off this Thursday. I’m going to miss him so and worry as well. Although I know that he is one of the strongest persons I’ve known in my life. Strongest and one of the most positive. I know he will be fine, but as I’ve said before once you reach a phase in life, you worry about your children as well as your parents… And I’ve unfortunately reached that stage a while ago.

What has all this to do with a sunny Sunday, you ask? Nothing at all, this is just the way my mind wanders. But talking of sunny, Sunday or not, it feels wonderful. For instance, today I was so much more productive. Cooked, cleaned, did some laundry, walked to the town centre, ironed and most important of all, even managed to take down the Christmas tree. I know, I know, totally unacceptable, but we just weren’t getting the time. It has been just too hectic. Every time I saw it in the last 10 days, I would cringe. Finally today, it’s come down.

For a change on a Sunday evening, I’m just relaxing. Typing up this post, after a heavy tea consisting of onion rings and a whole load of junk. I could fall asleep, if it weren’t six in the evening, I would.

How has your Sunday been?

What I really really want..

I’ve been asked many a time, what is the one thing you would want if you had a choice. And I’ve always struggled to figure out what I want.

It’s only when I have to answer that, that I realise that I don’t really want for anything. I’m quite a satisfied being in that sense. Happy with what I have.

That wouldn’t be entirely true. There is one thing I guess I’ve always wanted. I’ve always wanted to have a library at home. As far back as I can cast my memory. Books have been part of my memories. I remember being quite jealous of my cousins who owned some ladybird books. The kind they would read to us from school. Those days I didn’t own them. My mum and dad would tell me loads of stories but I didn’t own those exotic books. Until my granddad gifted me one. I still remember the name of that book, I just have been five then. I can’t recount how excited and happy I was.

All through my childhood, books were always my favourite things. That’s all I ever wanted for gifts. And there was a time when I even wanted to be a librarian. I couldn’t imagine a cooler job.

Of course that never materialised.. Neither did my dream of having a library. Some of my books are packed away in our flat in Bangalore, some are in Wayanad in my parents’ place and some here. I don’t have too much here. Just a few. Even those have become homeless because Daughter decided that her books needed the entire bookshelf. Can’t really blame her as it is rather full.

I always had plans to have a section exclusively for books when we live in our own place. Now finally we are living in a house of our own, after 14 years since we bought our first property. That must be a record of some sort. So as I was saying, Daughter chucked out my books from ‘her bookshelf’, so I was forced to look for alternatives.

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I’ve had to find makeshift places to store them, until I find some nice bookshelves to fix up.

It also drives home the fact that I’ve not been buying many proper books in the recent past. But whenever I read a proper book, it is so much more fun. Maybe I should buy that book shelf and get rid of the Kindle.

What do you say?

The Birthday Post

This is the very first birthday post. I don’t do birthday posts ( my birthday posts , that is). I don’t know why but I’m very private that way. And that reflects in the blog as well.

It was my birthday today. It was wasn’t a day I planned to celebrate or was even looking forward to. I didn’t want to think of a birthday where my mum wouldn’t be around. My dad calls her his calendar. She used to remember every body’s birthday, anniversaries, etc. Towards the end when she couldn’t talk, she would just get my dad to do all the calling, but her mind, sharp as ever would still be working at it’s furious pace. I couldn’t imagine or face a birthday without her in this world.

So today was supposed to be just a regular day. Being a weekday, right in the middle of the week, helped.

However, I woke up to messages on whatsapp from friends and family. Lovely presents from husband, my dad and daughter. Husband got me something that absolutely perfect. I’ve never had a gift I want more. And I didn’t realise how much I needed it until I got it.

I thought I’d turned off the birthday notification on FB, but it had got turned on again. Wonder if daughter has been playing with stuff on the phone. I had planned to keep it low at work but people knew and I got some lovely messages and had an absolutely lovely time at work.

For a day which I wasn’t looking forward to, I have to say, I’ve never felt more pampered and loved…

Notes on a wet Sunday evening…

Third day of the challenge and I’m already struggling. And this on a Sunday, not even a weekday. It doesn’t help that we had a super hectic Sunday.

We ended up on an impromptu trip to Manchester. It was all down to a laptop. We had ordered a laptop for my dad and when it arrived last week, it wasn’t quite what we wanted. So I started searching online and zeroed in on a laptop that felt perfect. It had just one problem, it was only available in Lemington Spa. And was not available for home delivery either. We had to click and collect. It was New Year’s Eve and shops closed early and we had no option but to wait. Friday, I wasn’t well, Saturday, we had family visiting and when we checked for the laptop on Saturday night, the only place it was available for collection was in Manchester; hence the impromptu plan.

We set off, on a very, very rainy day. Ever since my dad’s come, it’s been pouring. Although I have to say, I’m just glad that it’s not unbearably cold or snowing. That would have been truly horrendous. We’ve not taken him anywhere at all, a combination of daughter being busy on the weekends and the bad weather. Given that we were traveling all the way to Manchester, it made sense to do something more as well. With the weather being as lovely as it was, the only realistic option were the museums. We decided In the Museum of Science and Industry. It seemed to have the best reviews. I have to say, the museums in this country are yet to disappoint me. They are so always Interesting.

The day flew by before we knew it. Good food, a new laptop plus a lot of interesting tidbits of information about the scientific advancements made in the last few centuries and fascinating facts about the industrial revolution at the museum. We even walked through a reconstructed sewer. I know, I know, I must lead a sad life if I get excited by a sewer 🙂

And here’s the sewer we walked through 🙂
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A Sunday well spent. Not quite looking forward to working tomorrow. While I didn’t have any time off, the last two weeks have been so festive and fun. We had Christmas fun, secret Santas, truck loads of chocolate and a half empty office. Tomorrow, it’s all back to normal programming, not really looking forward to it.

So what did you guys do? Did the weather gods smile at you? Are you going back to work after a Christmas break?

Welcome 2016

Another year comes to an end. 2016 is here. Time seems to be flying just too fast these days.

2015 has been a year that has tested me like no other year. It’s been heart breaking, ‘pulled me in five different directions’ tough, the year which I will always remember as the year I lost my mother.

For a year with so much sadness, it has also had it’s highs, although they fade away in front on the lows, but still.

2016, what ever you might bring, please bring me the courage to face it all.  May we have the strength to pick up the pieces and move on.

Here’s to 2016, bring on everything, the sadness, the joys, the highs and the lows. Here’s to facing it with grace and having fun where we can!

On a completely different note, as has been tradition for the last few years, I’m joining the blog marathon again this year. I must be mad. I know I say this every year, but this year is extra busy. And this has been the most impulsive decision to join so far. When Maya asked, I couldn’t resist. I normally give it more thought. I do think I would have backed out if I thought any more. All the best to my fellow ‘marathoners’.

Living with Loss

Some things you want to believe will never happen to you. Like losing your mother.

It is something that I’ve come to realise never comes easy. No matter how old you are, no matter how aware you are, that it is imminent, it is something that you can never prepare yourself for. You can accept it, you do, because that’s the only way forward.. Because there is no other option. You go on, trying to move forward… But every now and again, it hits you. And hits you hard. You don’t know how to react. Sometimes it’s in the privacy of your home, sometimes, it’s when you least expect it, while walking down a busy street or in the middle of a meeting at work, where bursting into tears is not an option, even though that’s all you want to do. Every now and again you want to tell her something, share a joke, or ask her something only to remember that you can’t do that anymore.

We knew my mother would be taken from us soon, we knew that her condition came with a very grim prognosis. But when it happens, it’s still difficult to come to terms with. Nothing prepares you for it. So soon, such a young age. 60 is no age to be taken away. Of course, I would say the same for any age, but still.. Back home, right after she passed away, some of her school friends came visiting and I can’t tell you how that killed me internally, when I saw their young healthy faces.. Just reminded me of what my mother had been robbed off by a horrible rare disease. Just makes you so mad at fate. Why, why, why did she have to get this condition? But that’s life isn’t it? Nothing fair about it.

Death brings you face to face with reality, ugly reality sometimes, truly wonderful reality at other times. My mother’s passing, for me, showed me how much she was loved. Of course she was special to me, but then she was my mother, but when I saw the outpouring of grief and love from those around us, from those whose lives she had touched, that was when I saw how loved she was by family and friends. Her attitude, her magnanimity, her positivity (that deserves a post of its own) will stay with us forever.

Almost a month after her passing, I find myself trying to live life the way she would have wanted me to. To be brave, to accept what life deals us with, with a smile and a refusal to give into despondency.

That for me, is her legacy, that is what I want to remember her as, her smiling face, her refusal to drown in self pity, her strength is the face of her condition.