I’m reading a book about a woman who had big dreams but had to give them up.
She’s stuck in the same place she was born and bred, while all she wanted was to fly far far away. Glamorous places, away from the norm. She is also the main carer for her mum, suffering from dementia. It’s not an easy life.

Yes, not an easy life, and I could understand her frustrations, but as I read it, began to wish I could swap places with her. Live in the place I grew up in, be near my parents, be there to look after my dad, to have been there for my mum.. I wish I could.. How nice it would have been. Of course I know all about the grass being greener on the other side and stuff, but I can’t help feel a tiny bit jealous when I hear my colleagues talk about weekend plans with their families, family weekends, etc. For me to have one of those, I need to plan an international trip!

But that’s life, isn’t it? We get what we get. It feels so unfair at times, while at other times, you feel grateful, knowing that you have been blessed.

Today when my Dad has gotten in that flight back to India, I’m afraid, I’m feeling more than a bit rubbish. All I want is to hold him tight, never let go, be around him.. 2 months of having him here, of having his calm reassuring presence, being there when he needed me, knowing that all the pieces of my heart are together, that comfort, even in the middle of mourning for my mum… I’m missing all that.

All I can hope for, is for his strength and positivity to come through, to help him combat the loneliness that is waiting for him. Hope is all I have…and that hope I will cling on to….

Of missed buses and posts

I spoke too soon when I mentioned my lovely Sunday. It came to bite me yesterday.

After two lovely days, the weather decided that we have had our share, back to normal programming. Just about to hit five in the evening and a colleague glances out of the window and says, ‘Is that rain or is it snow?’.

The good news was that it wasn’t snow, but it was the heaviest possible rain. Another colleague came back from outside announcing that,’ it is absolutely chucking it down’.

Now that didn’t help me. I was supposed to use the public transport (long story, if I ever get the time to write it all down, you’ll get to hear it :). Any way to cut the long story short, my efforts at using public transport came to grinding halt. It took me 45 mins to get a bus to travel a distance which should have taken me 25 mins if I walked and under 8 mins by bus ( because the bus takes a longer route). Why didn’t I just walk? Because it was pouring, no chucking it down and with just a rain jacket, I would be completely soaked by the time I got home. Of course, it wasn’t just raining, it was also biting cold. My feet started hurting even though I was standing in the shelter of a bus stop. And who knew it would take so long to get a bus anyway.

You know how it works? You wait for a bus for 5 mins, and then think lets try another 5. Now that you’ve waited 10, what if you start walking and miss the bus which, with my luck, would arrive at the stop, at the precise moment that you are too far to run back. So calculating all that, you stay put. Hoping that the bus would arrive. I didn’t just rely on the bus, I even tried the taxis. However, it was the wrong day! Traffic was apparently held up and they couldn’t give me any guarantee of when they could get a taxi to me. Not wanting to have two uncertainties, of buses and taxis, I decided to wait it out. And a proper wait it was, 45 mins of standing in freezing cold with gusts of wind bringing stinging rain hurtling towards you. Not pleasant at all.

Buses aren’t the only things I’ve been missing. I’ve also missed posts. I’ve missed two posts since the start of this marathon. But given that I have plenty of things to worry about, I’m not going to stress myself out on this. If I do get the time to make up for the posts I missed, I will, although I wouldn’t hold my breath.

That is about all I can type up, although my mind, for a change has been churning out stuff to write down, my eyes refuse to cooperate. They are ready to shut shop for the day. Gnight.

Ramblings on a Sunny Sunday

Yes, you read that right. I did say sunny. It’s probably been months since its been this gorgeous.

The last few months have been miserable. Pouring and grey. I was particularly unhappy because my dad got to see the worst of the weather here. The only silver lining was that it didn’t snow. At least with the weather being the way it was, he still managed to go for long walks and dropped and picked up Daughter from school. It gave him something to do and made daughter’s life much easier. She didn’t have to wait until 5:30 in the after school club for me to pick her up.

Next week is going to be a real challenge for us, as dad’s off this Thursday. I’m going to miss him so and worry as well. Although I know that he is one of the strongest persons I’ve known in my life. Strongest and one of the most positive. I know he will be fine, but as I’ve said before once you reach a phase in life, you worry about your children as well as your parents… And I’ve unfortunately reached that stage a while ago.

What has all this to do with a sunny Sunday, you ask? Nothing at all, this is just the way my mind wanders. But talking of sunny, Sunday or not, it feels wonderful. For instance, today I was so much more productive. Cooked, cleaned, did some laundry, walked to the town centre, ironed and most important of all, even managed to take down the Christmas tree. I know, I know, totally unacceptable, but we just weren’t getting the time. It has been just too hectic. Every time I saw it in the last 10 days, I would cringe. Finally today, it’s come down.

For a change on a Sunday evening, I’m just relaxing. Typing up this post, after a heavy tea consisting of onion rings and a whole load of junk. I could fall asleep, if it weren’t six in the evening, I would.

How has your Sunday been?

What I really really want..

I’ve been asked many a time, what is the one thing you would want if you had a choice. And I’ve always struggled to figure out what I want.

It’s only when I have to answer that, that I realise that I don’t really want for anything. I’m quite a satisfied being in that sense. Happy with what I have.

That wouldn’t be entirely true. There is one thing I guess I’ve always wanted. I’ve always wanted to have a library at home. As far back as I can cast my memory. Books have been part of my memories. I remember being quite jealous of my cousins who owned some ladybird books. The kind they would read to us from school. Those days I didn’t own them. My mum and dad would tell me loads of stories but I didn’t own those exotic books. Until my granddad gifted me one. I still remember the name of that book, I just have been five then. I can’t recount how excited and happy I was.

All through my childhood, books were always my favourite things. That’s all I ever wanted for gifts. And there was a time when I even wanted to be a librarian. I couldn’t imagine a cooler job.

Of course that never materialised.. Neither did my dream of having a library. Some of my books are packed away in our flat in Bangalore, some are in Wayanad in my parents’ place and some here. I don’t have too much here. Just a few. Even those have become homeless because Daughter decided that her books needed the entire bookshelf. Can’t really blame her as it is rather full.

I always had plans to have a section exclusively for books when we live in our own place. Now finally we are living in a house of our own, after 14 years since we bought our first property. That must be a record of some sort. So as I was saying, Daughter chucked out my books from ‘her bookshelf’, so I was forced to look for alternatives.



I’ve had to find makeshift places to store them, until I find some nice bookshelves to fix up.

It also drives home the fact that I’ve not been buying many proper books in the recent past. But whenever I read a proper book, it is so much more fun. Maybe I should buy that book shelf and get rid of the Kindle.

What do you say?

The Birthday Post

This is the very first birthday post. I don’t do birthday posts ( my birthday posts , that is). I don’t know why but I’m very private that way. And that reflects in the blog as well.

It was my birthday today. It was wasn’t a day I planned to celebrate or was even looking forward to. I didn’t want to think of a birthday where my mum wouldn’t be around. My dad calls her his calendar. She used to remember every body’s birthday, anniversaries, etc. Towards the end when she couldn’t talk, she would just get my dad to do all the calling, but her mind, sharp as ever would still be working at it’s furious pace. I couldn’t imagine or face a birthday without her in this world.

So today was supposed to be just a regular day. Being a weekday, right in the middle of the week, helped.

However, I woke up to messages on whatsapp from friends and family. Lovely presents from husband, my dad and daughter. Husband got me something that absolutely perfect. I’ve never had a gift I want more. And I didn’t realise how much I needed it until I got it.

I thought I’d turned off the birthday notification on FB, but it had got turned on again. Wonder if daughter has been playing with stuff on the phone. I had planned to keep it low at work but people knew and I got some lovely messages and had an absolutely lovely time at work.

For a day which I wasn’t looking forward to, I have to say, I’ve never felt more pampered and loved…

Notes on a wet Sunday evening…

Third day of the challenge and I’m already struggling. And this on a Sunday, not even a weekday. It doesn’t help that we had a super hectic Sunday.

We ended up on an impromptu trip to Manchester. It was all down to a laptop. We had ordered a laptop for my dad and when it arrived last week, it wasn’t quite what we wanted. So I started searching online and zeroed in on a laptop that felt perfect. It had just one problem, it was only available in Lemington Spa. And was not available for home delivery either. We had to click and collect. It was New Year’s Eve and shops closed early and we had no option but to wait. Friday, I wasn’t well, Saturday, we had family visiting and when we checked for the laptop on Saturday night, the only place it was available for collection was in Manchester; hence the impromptu plan.

We set off, on a very, very rainy day. Ever since my dad’s come, it’s been pouring. Although I have to say, I’m just glad that it’s not unbearably cold or snowing. That would have been truly horrendous. We’ve not taken him anywhere at all, a combination of daughter being busy on the weekends and the bad weather. Given that we were traveling all the way to Manchester, it made sense to do something more as well. With the weather being as lovely as it was, the only realistic option were the museums. We decided In the Museum of Science and Industry. It seemed to have the best reviews. I have to say, the museums in this country are yet to disappoint me. They are so always Interesting.

The day flew by before we knew it. Good food, a new laptop plus a lot of interesting tidbits of information about the scientific advancements made in the last few centuries and fascinating facts about the industrial revolution at the museum. We even walked through a reconstructed sewer. I know, I know, I must lead a sad life if I get excited by a sewer 🙂

And here’s the sewer we walked through 🙂

A Sunday well spent. Not quite looking forward to working tomorrow. While I didn’t have any time off, the last two weeks have been so festive and fun. We had Christmas fun, secret Santas, truck loads of chocolate and a half empty office. Tomorrow, it’s all back to normal programming, not really looking forward to it.

So what did you guys do? Did the weather gods smile at you? Are you going back to work after a Christmas break?

Welcome 2016

Another year comes to an end. 2016 is here. Time seems to be flying just too fast these days.

2015 has been a year that has tested me like no other year. It’s been heart breaking, ‘pulled me in five different directions’ tough, the year which I will always remember as the year I lost my mother.

For a year with so much sadness, it has also had it’s highs, although they fade away in front on the lows, but still.

2016, what ever you might bring, please bring me the courage to face it all.  May we have the strength to pick up the pieces and move on.

Here’s to 2016, bring on everything, the sadness, the joys, the highs and the lows. Here’s to facing it with grace and having fun where we can!

On a completely different note, as has been tradition for the last few years, I’m joining the blog marathon again this year. I must be mad. I know I say this every year, but this year is extra busy. And this has been the most impulsive decision to join so far. When Maya asked, I couldn’t resist. I normally give it more thought. I do think I would have backed out if I thought any more. All the best to my fellow ‘marathoners’.