Day 11: Life( and Work)

I loved this post by DreamyMommy.

The whole thing of people being oh-so-curious and passing sweeping judgements about our working/non working lives.

I remember from over 10 years ago, there was a lady, someone we knew who would always run down ‘working women’, sometimes in front of my husband, knowing fully well that he had a working woman for his wife. He would be seething with annoyance, but unable to retort back for being impolite. Another time she told us that children of working mothers consider their nannies their real mothers. We, at that point,didn’t even have a child, so we were in the worst possible category. Working woman, and not even showing any signs of having a baby!! God! What is the world coming to!

When I did have a baby, and decided to go back to work, there must have been people judging, but I don’t remember anybody telling me anything or maybe I was just too preoccupied to pay attention. I did pay attention when I decided to take a break from work and I had friends lauding my decision because it was ‘good for my child’. What shocked me was that they used my example to tell their niece that she should not work or refuse to work if her would-be husband didn’t want her to. She had apparently refused to get married to someone who refused to let her work. So they used my example as some one who’s been working and finally ‘came to her senses’ and decided to quit. Needless to say, I put the record right. I’m not sure what happened with their niece but hopefully she got married to someone sensible. Hopefully.

And then of course, there were some from the other side of the spectrum. ‘Don’t you feel bad about asking your husband for money?’, ‘Don’t you feel bad about wasting your education?’, ‘Can’t your parents or in-laws look after your child while you work?’. Sigh.

It makes me wonder about how much people judge, and decide that they can map out our lives for us. No, I never felt bad about asking for money, because I never did, ask for money, that is. It’s not just his money, it’s both of ours. I’ve never been in a situation that I’ve had to ask husband for money. He has had to ask me ,though, because he never remembers to carry his wallet ๐Ÿ˜‰ And about wasting my education, well, I can only ask, can education ever be wasted? As for asking parents to look after my child, well, I wouldn’t have had a child if I can’t look after her. Our parents have done their job of parenting, it’s now our turn, and we choose to do it in the best way we can. Also, don’t parents have a life of their own? Why would we assume that it’s alright to ask them to uproot their lives so that yours can continue unhindered?

Of course, I’m one of the lucky ones who could afford to take a break, and lucky enough to be able to get back to work as well. Some don’t have that luxury. People are of course, quite forgiving of people who have to work. And quite critical of those who chose work over being a stay at home parent. All I can say from personal experience is that you can be a great parent no matter what you do, stay at home or go out to work, and the reverse holds true as well. From my own experience, if you are happy doing what you are doing, you are more likely to do everything well.

As for now, that I’m back at work, I can genuinely say that I did it because it felt right to me. It feels fulfilling and after a few years of being a SAHM, I had started longing for more. I feel happier, more energetic and satisfied. Also a lot busier. Life is more hectic and but that’s something I can handle for now.

Although it does come with some free mummy guilt, which means that I end up baking cupcakes for school cake sales after coming back from work, but that was well worth the trouble when daughter came back saying that they were delicious and all of hers got sold out ๐Ÿ™‚

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PS: Please do ignore typos and errors. Again a hastily typed phone post. Sigh. When will I ever learn to plan and schedule my posts properly?

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15 thoughts on “Day 11: Life( and Work)

  1. I have been, and still am in the same boat. As I was talking to R’s mom about it… it is so painful and I have considered quitting many times – all the judgemental comments! It feels good to know that I am not the only one!

    And Men and their forgetfulness to carry/withdraw money – SIGH!

  2. well written post Smitha!
    Of course, Iโ€™m one of the lucky ones who could afford to take a break, and lucky enough to be able to get back to work as well. Some donโ€™t have that luxury.
    – so true
    โ€˜Donโ€™t you feel bad about asking your husband for money?โ€™
    – this line also speaks about your husband’s nature. He doesn’t make you feel bad either too right?
    As for asking parents to look after my child, well, I wouldnโ€™t have had a child if I canโ€™t look after her. Our parents have done their job of parenting, itโ€™s now our turn, and we choose to do it in the best way we can. Also, donโ€™t parents have a life of their own? Why would we assume that itโ€™s alright to ask them to uproot their lives so that yours can continue unhindered?
    – this leaves me with a mountain of guilt and searches for all the justification and excuses I could make..

    • Hugs, sweetheart, didn’t realize that I would make you feel bad. Hugs! Each of us do what works for us, don’t we? This works for me, something else works for someone else. What I mean is that each of do things based on our situation. I’m just talking of myself here, and my own way of thinking/doing things….hugs!!!

  3. Asking for money from husband hehehehe ๐Ÿ™‚ thats funny okay ๐Ÿ™‚ sorry!

    I guess you have been on both ends of the spectrum..so you know both the worlds eh? :):) Hugs to you and for what you are

  4. ” if you are happy doing what you are doing, you are more likely to do everything well” – exactly!

    came to this conclusion a few years back, after learning it the hard way. life has never been the same after that ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. This is a very very touchy topic ๐Ÿ™‚

    And talk about judgemental – it is everywhere.. My non working MIL initially used to paint a picture of my working mom as how she had commented once about how she felt bad about having to leave children home and go work etc etc. But when I asked my mom straight about it, she did not have regrets! It is people’s theories and surmises. When I think about my childhood with both parents working, even though there are few memories of having to stay back when others went home early, overall I have happy memories and feel privileged to have had a working mom. And I have learnt to stand on my own because of that. However I have made a different choice in my life. If we are able to ignore passing comments, then life is happy! Everybody is trying to prove a point. And our lives cannot be according to everyone else’s specifications ๐Ÿ™‚

    • ‘Our lives cannot be according to everyone else’s specifications’. You’ve said it. That is the it, isn’t it? Each of us does what works for us. At different times.

  6. It’s amusing how everyone who knows squat about your life think they can tell you how best to live it.

    Ignore Smithu! Keep calm and carry on baking! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Of course all cupcakes were sold out. If I was around, they’d be all sold to me!!!

    • ‘Itโ€™s amusing how everyone who knows squat about your life think they can tell you how best to live it.’ – That’s always the way it is, isn’t it ๐Ÿ™‚

      I haven’t been baking much these days, actually. I’m dying to bake though.

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