.. to work.
I’ve just joined back the workforce after a long break of over 5 years. Before I went on a break from work, I was a workaholic. Nothing made me happier than being in the work environment and to be absolutely honest; my work gave me a wonderful high. I was one of those who never spoke of early retirement, because I always thought that I would go crazy if I didn’t work.
Of course, like always, life has a way of changing things for you, just for the fun of it, I suppose. I had daughter, and went back to work when she was around 5 months old. I got a great role in my organization and I was raring to go. That was when I hit my first roadblock. I found that I couldn’t give my 100% to anything, neither my job nor my daughter. That husband had a job that took him out of the country, 5 days a week, obviously didn’t help. That and the fact that we lived in London, and ended up commuting a lot for work. There came a time, when I just packed it all in. It wasn’t working; I needed to be able to do one thing properly. I felt pulled in all sorts of directions. I decided to take a break from work.
Initially, it was heaven. I was so happy to be with daughter, spend time with her, do things with her. Husband was pleasantly surprised because he was the one more worried about the fact that I would go crazy as a stay-at-home mum. He was quite sure I wasn’t cut out to be at home, but I was fine. I was more than fine. I loved every minute of it. I do think blogging helped too. Actually, blogging went a long way in keeping me sane and happy.
But. There’s always a ‘but’, isn’t there? Somewhere down the line, I started to get a little antsy. I wanted more. Once daughter started school and was well-settled in, there was not so much keeping me busy. In Leeds, I still managed to be busy. Having a load of friends helped. And then there was relocating to India to be done. I had enough on my plate to keep busy, busy, busy. Moving back to India came with its own challenges. Of course, the plan was that I would go back to work, once we had settled down. That never happened, and I spent a rather lot of time trying to sell off things, pack up our belongings and moved back to the UK. That was certainly not in the plan.
Back in the UK, in a new city, with not too many close friends, and husband traveling out for work, it changed things for me. I started getting more than a little dissatisfied with what I was doing. Not that I didn’t have enough to keep me busy, but it wasn’t keeping me happy. I started hankering for more. Daughter was far more independent; I felt I was ready to take on more. The niggling worry that if I didn’t get back into work now, I might never, turned into a big time worry. That was probably when I realized that I had to go for it, if I ever wanted to go back. The prospect of never going to work, scared me.
It was finally time for me to stop dilly-dallying and start job-hunting seriously. The big break didn’t help, but I finally managed to land a job. Finally. I was excited, nervous, and a tiny bit apprehensive but excited. There was a tiny bit of me wondering why I was doing this. Wondering if I would miss my easy lifestyle once I started work. But mostly, I was excited. Very excited.
It’s been a week since I started, and it delights me to say that it has been wonderful to be back at work. Has it made my life hectic? Of course. Not just mine, but also daughter’s. She has to wake up earlier, go to breakfast club, and then to after school club, we don’t get home until almost 6. We would be home by 4, earlier, so it is a huge difference.
So is it worth it? It certainly is, for me. Funnily, despite the hectic schedule, and the running around, I still seem to be happier. I might be a selfish mother to put daughter through all this. And some might argue that it isn’t right, especially since I don’t ‘need’ the job, as in financially. However, I do need it, for myself because it makes me happy, satisfied. And that definitely makes me a better person. I have had people glorifying me for resigning, when I did, even when I made it clear that I resigned because that was what I wanted, it was not a sacrifice. And today, I go back to work because I want to. Selfish? Yes, probably, but I do think if we are happy as individuals, we have a higher chance of making a happy life. And that would be true, irrespective of what we do, be a SAHM, SAHD or work outside. As far as we are satisfied, that should be what matters, isn’t it?
And what about daughter, you might ask? Well, she knew what it would involve, waking up earlier, being at school clubs, less time at home. She knew it would get tougher for her and yet, when I told her that I did get a job, she flung her arms around me, in joy and congratulated me. Clearly she knew how much it matters to me. The fact that she has settled into her new life with not much fuss, makes me relieved. It is early days yet, too soon to celebrate, but as of now, I’m glad I took the plunge. And hopefully, we will continue to manage fine with the challenges and difficulties that are bound to creep up. And hopefully, I will continue to be this upbeat. If not, I know I could always go back to being a stay at home mum 🙂