Parenting throws you a googly…

…every now and then, having you wonder about your choices and decisions. And for me these days, everything becomes a trigger to wonder if we made a mistake about relocating.

Not relocating actually, but probably having moved before husband got a job in India, adding to the confusion.

The last two days, daughter has been waking up – tired. She had been sleeping slightly later than her regular time, but I thought that she would be alright. Yesterday and the day before, she woke up – tired and weepy. That never happens. She is my sunshine girl, always bright in the morning, up with a bounce, cheerful and full of beans at 6 in the morning. The day before, she was a little less bright, but was fine by the time she went to school. She was her usual self when she returned. Yesterday, she woke up grumpy, despite having gone to bed on time. She claimed that she was tired. She did not seem unwell in any way. So I tried to cheer her up, acted goofy, tried everything – but nothing would bring a smile to my normally cheerful child.

I managed to get her ready and just before boarding the school bus, she burst into tears. I was taken aback. I asked her if she wanted to stay home – she never ever likes missing school. Not even when she is ill. Never in her life has she cried before going to school. She normally just waves me off, all excited about her day ahead. Yesterday, all she did was shake her head and look miserable. The teachers in her bus gave her hugs and told me that she would be fine.

As I walked home, all I could hope was that she would be alright. A hundred doubts ran through my mind. Was I too hard on her. Did she feel that she could not tell me what she was going through. Or worse, did I ignore some important message that she tried giving me. Was there something happening at school that made her miserable. Wracked by guilt and worries, wondering, questioning everything, going right back to the relocation issue. Should I have just sent her to an international school rather than the ‘middle class’ school that this one was. All sorts of worries and doubts. Finally, I made up my mind to go and see her at school at lunch time. Her school is quite nice in that sense. They had no problems with me dropping in to check on her.

Waiting for mid-day to come was another torture, but finally it was lunch time and I rushed into the school, and cast my eyes on the field. Where was daughter? Oh! There she was – cheerfully playing with a couple of her friends. I went up to her to surprise her. Was she excited! She came running, flinging her arms around me, at the same time, questioning me,’Amma, what are you doing here? This is school time!’. When I told her that I just wanted to check on her as she seemed upset in the morning, she says, ‘But I was just tired, I’m fine now’.

And that was it. All I could feel was relief washing over me. She was fine… I must have seemed like a mad, crazy parent, but those few hours really were torturous for me. Normally, I might not have worried so much, but with all the confusion that is our life right now, all I can try and do is be there for daughter, and that morning, I really felt that I had perhaps let her down.

Thankfully, she seems fine today. I got her in bed early and she woke her to her normal cheerful self.Nothing, absolutely nothing felt better than seeing her happy face in the morning, reading a book, while sipping her milk. All I can hope for is for her to have – sunny mornings all her life. And for this single parenting business to end soon. I so miss being able to talk to husband about these things. By the time it is his morning, the issues would get resolved.

21 thoughts on “Parenting throws you a googly…

  1. hugs to little darling.. hope she get her proper 8 hrs of sleep .. hmmm talking about this single parenting.. its hell i say.. from day one, i am alone( ok in-laws are there) with little help managing Bunty. i feeling the pricking pain when she says daddy looking at hubby photo or laptop.. i just fight back my tears.. if it was not b’cas of my adamant thing to continue my job, we all would have lived together. we r just working it out to stay together at least for few months.

  2. Awwww so sorry to hear of this. 😦 Glad to know that the problem is sorted out now.
    Maybe you could try finding out if her sleep is getting disturbed? That could be one reason for her tiredness…

    She seems to be fine now – fingers crossed. I’m waiting for school to start to find out if it comes back. Fingers crossed.

    Single parenting can be so tough at times, especially when you have just gone through major changes in life. Like the relocation, in your case. I could hear the worry in your post, and could totally relate to it.
    Hope things are better now. Talk to you soon.

    Will call you – I’ve been busy, had house guests, and a whale of a time, but no time for myself 🙂

  3. Hugs Smitha. Single parenting does become challenging at times…. glad to hear that she is back to her cheerful self now. Maybe she is missing her dad… kids are sometimes not able to express themselves sometimes. You could also try talking to her teacher to find out if there is any issue there.

  4. Hmm well it may just be change in weather ..
    But good you went at lunch to see her that perked the little one for sure..

    Good to know she got up her usual stuff..

    I wanted to write but wait.. will email you instead..

    Lots to love and my heartiest wishes that she has sunny morning always..

    Take care

  5. It might just have been the weather– maybe she had some mild infection which left her feeling tired and upset before clearing up on its own. But yes, it really is unnerving to see a normally cheerful child not being her usual self.
    Sunny mornings all her life–such a beautiful wish! Amen!

  6. 😦 I can understand how u r feeling. Hope medically everything is fine…get her blood tested, just in case. Saying this because of the sudden tirdness she is feeling.

    And yes Parenthood is something else. For last 2-3 days Arnav has been throwing tantrums, being very stubborn, would’t eat anything etc. I was confused with all this because he is usually an easy going child, naughty but fussless. When I n hubby were talking about it he said, be patient he is getting this restless because he is not eating as much as he shud. He even suggested that we shud give him medicine for worms as he has eaten sand etc during our trip. And guess what today we realised he was bang on. And now the brat is back to his normal self. Sigh! Seriouly it is a tough job & trust me without my hubby I wudn’t have been rational about all this.

  7. Hugs to the little girl !!!

    Sometimes so many changes might put them through mood swings or unexplained crying sessions….and its terrible to handle it all on your own !!! Hugs Smitha…you are doing well as a mother and all will be well !!!

  8. hugs Smitha.. I could totally understand your situation and had tears in my eyes when I read that Poohi shed tears while boarding the bus. poor little heart.. I have single parented Adi for 3 months and have been thru’ the same scenarios.. I could totally relate to how you feel.. hugs again darling.. don’t take it too much on you.. you all will reunite very soon and please hold on to your hope and strength until then.. I will keep you in my prayers. this too shall pass very soon.. hugs again..

  9. Hugssss! I so hope N gets to be here soon. Every such post of urs makes me pray and wish stronger that u guys get to stay back here 😛 Take good care both of u my dearies 🙂

  10. She just felt how much she was loved by you!! That was awesome that you were able to go and see her! Parenting is soooooo full of these bitter-sweet moments. I just know that she (and you) will get through this just fine!!

  11. This post brought a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat. Your daughter is blessed to have you as a mother 🙂 Touchwood!

    Parenting is such a huge responsibility isn’t it? The guilt is sometimes overwhelming. You feel so responsible for a little one who looks up to you and thinks the world of you. You want all the happiness in the world to shower on him/her. And yet when something goes wrong, you beat yourself up wondering where it is that you went wrong.

    Do not be so hard on yourself. It is as difficult a time for you as it is for her. In fact much harder than you, than it is on her. Cut yourself some slack. 🙂
    Hopefully your state of unrest will be resolved soon…..

  12. Oh poor little darling! Hugs to her and to you, Smits! I so wish and pray that everything sorts out for you three. Take care and take it easy, sweetheart! Everything is going to be fine, just a matter of time 🙂

  13. aww..hugs Smitha! I can truly understand what you are feeling and going through. Parenting is tough even with both the parents balancing it out, so I can imagine your condition. You are managing well, don’t worry. It’s just a matter of time when your husband will be here. Cheer up!

  14. I can so relate to this post Smi, my daughter is a totally different person over the weekend. I hope Poohie is sleeping and taking enough rest.Single parenting is never easy, though we try to make it work, back of the mind it is always bothering. I hope you all unite soon whether its in India or UK. Hugs to you!!

  15. Wishing my peppy girl many more sunshiny mornings 🙂 She’ll be fine, I’m sure…

    and you lady! Hugs to you…I know what your mind is going through lately and that’s pretty natural…give yourself a little break..seriously! Relax, pause and don’t think much…umm…well. do I even need to tell you all this? 🙂 I mean you are so balanced and mature person Smiths…you are the one who knows all the answers to the questions in life..the one who knows how to tackle hurdles…so I need not tell you to slow down or relax…you are doing just fine …Hugs….lot of warm hugs to you, all is going to fall in place real soon 🙂

    Loads of love to Poohi!

    • Are you talkign about me, Scribby?? Seriously – I wish! I wish I were all that.. But I’m just a mum trying to do her best – that’s it.. And sometimes I wonder if my best is enough for my child 😦 Hugs!!! And thanks for all that morale boosting 🙂

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