Back to Square One(almost)

In other words – we might just have to go back to the UK.

Returning back was something, I was confident, we would not end up doing.

Just goes to show how unpredictable life is, and even the best laid plans are not enough – sometimes. We might need to go back to the UK. We might have to return, not for the usual reasons, but because we can’t find a job here!

Eight years in the UK, we refused to put down roots there. Mainly because India always felt like home, and there was nothing we looked forward to more than coming back to Bangalore and living the dream we dreamed. Everything was as per plan, when we moved back in July. Or rather, until Daughter and I moved back – husband was still there for a while, until he got a job in Bangalore. How difficult would it be? Not too difficult, is what I had assumed, husband was far more realistic, even then. But clearly, I assumed wrong. Apparently, most companies just want him to go back abroad on projects. That doesn’t exactly bode well for our, ‘End of nomadic existence’ plan, does it? If we have to be abroad, we would stick to his current job, and stay in one place – UK, rather than be shunted back and forth on projects while being an India employee.

So right now, we are wondering if we took the decision too quickly, if we should have waited till husband got a job before relocating. At that time, this seemed the best thing to do, to come here at the start of the academic year, so that daughter would not have to miss much, so that she could settle in easier. And it worked too – to that extent. Daughter is comfortable, well settled in school but missing her Daddy terribly. She just cannot understand why he can’t get a job here, or why he can’t just come here and find a job.. It’s taking a toll on all of us but hopefully, we will be able to look back at this phase and smile, in a few years time.

Hoping for the best, here we are gearing up for the worst – having to pack up and head back. After a year apart – we plan to give it a year – until the end of this academic year, and lots of money(and effort) spent on the apartment(and other things), we might just have to head back. The mere thought of that make my heart sink. While it would be wonderful to be back with husband, I only wish it were him joining us, rather than the other way around. The main reason we decided to move back – parents, would still be a reason which makes it tough for me to go back. It feels really bad to be so far away, at a time when they might need us… I so wish we were living some place closer to home.

On the positive side -I do believe that daughter would have it better there – in many ways, education, opportunities. And most importantly, safety. Every time I read the newspaper, it scares me. I know, its silly to worry like this,but one can’t help worry. As I have mentioned earlier, I had/have my doubts if India is the best place for daughter, but I was still hopeful that we would be fine. Every country comes with own set of problems, but being in India had so many things we were looking forward to. Being close to family, the fun, that feeling of belonging, and to be finally able to set down roots. For daughter, it is those simple things like being able to play outside everyday. Not having to worry about rain spoiling her playtime. But after the first few months of soaking in the new place, the new atmosphere, now, she has started missing her old school, and friends and also comparing them. Although she hasn’t been very upset, she does wonder why they don’t do some things in the school here, like experiments. But she’s alright, and I suspect she will be perfectly at peace here, once husband gets to join us. Right now, I think the situation has started to unsettle her, just a bit.

Being in a situation like this is annoying, and frustrating, to say the least, the uncertainty, killing. ‘Suspended equilibrium’, sort of situation. No idea which way we go. I’ve stopped getting work done on the flat. We had been looking forward to so many things, not knowing that what we would get is uncertainty and confusion. Right now, I would settle for some definite plans – either way, it would just be good to know which way.

Taking one day at a time, doing just what needs doing, at the moment, keeping our fingers crossed, and hoping that whatever be the outcome, we have the strength to face it, and make the most of it. And if we do go back, one thing is for sure, we would not be doing any relocation, unless all of us move together – lessons learnt, eh?

61 thoughts on “Back to Square One(almost)

  1. Ohhh 😦 U writing this here made me feel may be u have moved a step closer to it 😐 Hugsss. And hope things work out soon. I really feel N gets to come bk here. I will so miss you whenever we move back to Bengaluru.

    When can we talk? πŸ˜›

  2. Wow, sounds like a tough time for all. I have done te separation thing and its tough all around. For the spouse and the kids.

    I hope he gets tons of interview calls and lands a fabulous job.

  3. I am in a similar boat. So can understand how unsettling it is to not know where you will be. I am sure something good will happen.

  4. Being in limbo is one of the hardest positions to be in. As you said, you kinda have to stop doing things on the one hand but still hope that it can work out on the other. I hope things work out for you guys. Best wishes!

  5. Darn! Thats..well..I dont know whether its for the good or bad..but somehow I am kind of disappointed..meeting you again in Bangalore is definitely more feasible than meeting you aboard eh?

  6. Ohhhhh this is bad!!! But guess there is no other way haan? But My heart sinks when I think of the effort that u have put in…so I can imagine how u must be feeling.

    On not a very different note…read Return to India by Shobha Narayan..NOW!! U will relate to it.

  7. Hmm well now don’t rush again. Take ur time make sure all avenues a’re used and exhausted before you come back.

    No, no we are not rushing back. We are giving it a year – no point waiting more than that. We would get a clear idea by then- hopefully.

    It will all be fine I am sure all the best .. I also think That no effort and hardwork goes waste .. something will turn up for sure..

    That is the hope, Bikram. If we do come back, there is a possibility that we might move somewhere near you. London and your area are on the top of the list πŸ™‚

    How is the little one lots of love to her..
    She is fine. She does get upset once in a while, but she is trooper.

    Take care smitha..
    Thanks Bikram.

    • yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy .. ok ok sorry if i sound too exicted of possible back move. to a area nearby .:) I am being selfish now πŸ™‚

      That is good you are thinking a year , yeah that is enough time to test the waters for sure, All will be fine

  8. Uncertainty is a horrible feeling. So is not being able to be near your parents. I totally understand. Hope everything gets resolved for you quickly. Take care and try not to worry too much πŸ™‚

  9. thats bad re.. i remember the efforts u took packing and giving away things and throwing away when u had to leave UK and come.. but true family living together is really important.. hope there is quick solution to ur prob.. i know how difficult it is when everything is uncertain.. hugs dear..

  10. hugs Smitha.. I can totally relate to what you are saying as we are almost sailing in the same boat.. big big hugs dear. hope your husband gets a job at India itself.. hugs to Poohi too.. take care

  11. Hugs Smitha, I wish you all the luck, home is were you all can stay together whether its Blore or UK. with all these efforts you have put I hope you get to stay in Blore. And I told you earlier if we move back, it will be to Blore and I could meet you someday πŸ™‚

  12. so sorry that you are going through such a tough time! Kids do get affected but they are also very resilient and I am sure it is a matter of time that things get settled. I wish you all the best and will continue to hope for good news soon!

  13. Oh! I dnt know what to say Smitha. I just hope things work out for the best, either way. I believe things happen for a reason. You’ll know it later. Have hope and faith. I know you do πŸ™‚

  14. 😦 hugs and it doesn’t matter where you are, as long as all of you are together….and that’s home sweet home. I remember the heartache we went through when the husband came to US 2 months before us. That was the only time in 10 years we were apart and it nearly gave me a heart attack and he lost like 10 kg or so without my food πŸ˜›

  15. ‘it doesn’t matter where you are, as long as all of you are together….and that’s home sweet home’ – That is so true, Saks! Hopefully we will be together soon. Fingers crossed.

    Btw, How on earth are you commenting? Where are your feet, lady?

  16. Hugs, Smits! As Saksh said, so long as the three of you get to stay together, it doesnt really matter where you stay. I understand, it will be tough for you since you also want to be close to uncle and aunty. But sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do, and this is where prioritizing gets a little tricky.

    Anyway, I hope and pray you guys arrive at a solution soon. Give loads of ummas to my kunjumani, Smits! I’m sure she is looking forward to December with bated breath :). I hope the daddy gets a job and joins you before that though! Wishing him all the best!

    Tonnes of hugs to you! Dont stress yourself much. Stay happy and positive like you always are πŸ™‚

  17. Yes, I understand your frustration. I am also in an almost-similar situation like yours 😦 Hope things turn out real good for you (and for me also πŸ™‚ )…

  18. Ok, went back and read it. This is a passing phase Smitha, don’t fret dear! Either way, you have best of both worlds no? Parents..yes, it does tug at the strings of my heart too. But wait and watch, am sure something good will work out for you. You are a gorgeous woman, so obviously things will have to fall in place πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Tightest of hugs….

  19. Aww that’s a tough situation–such uncertainty really does tend to get on the nerves.Somehow, I too get the feeling that you’ll be staying on –something will definitely materialize in the course of a year and all three of you will be together here. Fingers crossed!

  20. Take care Smitha. Being apart makes it hard to adjust also I think. A big move like this always requires constant support to each other, and separation makes it harder. Whatever is the best situation you feel for yourself is the best situation. All the best wishes.

    • Yes, Lakshmi, being apart just adds to the difficulty. To be honest, its been quite easy and comfortable settle in here -as if we were never really away. Its just being away from husband that makes it difficult – and the uncertainty now. It would have been easier if things were clearer..

  21. Oh dear…do you have to go back ???
    Hugs to you…I can understand all those feelings. Even though it was not shifting out of country for me, I had been through similar confusing, indecisive states !!! Hope everything works out fine for you, as you would love it as a family πŸ™‚

  22. Oh dear ! this is the same that is happening to my BIL he came back last year luckily in his own company… but he is having to go for a project again and now with a 3 year old kid they are really not wanting to do that… but if he stays back his growth gets hampered… and they both husband and wife are seriously unsure what do they want more…

    I am seriously hoping you guys can stay here in India fingers crossed.. !

    • Hitchy, me too! I do hope we get to stay here.. But if life has other plans, we can’t do much but go along with it..I guess.

      As for your BIL, if they have a 3 yr old, I would say they still have the time to go on projects abroad. It gets more complicated once the child starts proper school. So it might make sense for them to go abroad now, when it is comparatively less complicated.. But then its not an easy decision to make.

  23. I have gone through this smitha,hugs……I lived with kids in hyd and husband in Dubai…it was very tough but life has to move and we spend 2 years and few months.Now happy that we all are living together,life doesn’t gives everything.It gives somethings and take aways few things.Now we are living together away from family and friends.

    Hugs and loads of best wishes for the move…..Do what is best for you all…..

    • You must know better than anybody how this phase is.. Hopefully we will know for sure where we are going to be, in a few months time.

      I am sure you will make loads of new friends there, and come down and visit family year πŸ™‚ Hugs!!

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