How great is my child..

You know, so any times, when I write about daughter, I wonder if I sound overly gushing, over the board, and ultra-proud. Because I hate, hate sounding like that. But I guess, as parents, we do tend to marvel at every little thing, at every milestone, every time a teacher praises our children. And nothing wrong with it! When your little one, the one who was born, tiny, helpless and totally dependent on you, starts growing into a little person, with a mind of their own, with ideas of their own.

Which is why, when we see parents gushing about their little ones, most of us tend to go ‘Aww’ and enjoy listening to them. Unless, it starts becoming a competition. Until parents start using children as means of showing ‘one-up-man-ship’. Like one mother we know, told another that her child’s school was better than the others. Or when a mother tries to prove that her child is more ‘curious’,intelligent,active, smart than every other child on this earth. When their FB profiles become a battleground, when everything is done with the aim of furthering their own standing by showing off what they consider their children’s super abilities.

It is when I see some FB updates that make me gag, that I wonder if people feel that way when I write about daughter on this blog. Because, I jot down stuff because I want to remember them. That is one of the reasons, I don’t put updates based on daughter on FB – because I refuse to be part of the ‘my child is the greatest’ game. Because I hate to use her as a tool to seek attention, or to further my ‘standing’ in any way. So sometimes, I actually downplay her achievements to others when they are in that ‘how great is my child’ mode. I don’t know if that is right, or if it will affect daughter in any way – because all this normally does not happen in front of the children, but I have seen some of the children developing a very un-child-like cockiness. I am not sure if it is the result of parents overplaying their achievements and giving them a superiority complex or if that is just them..

At least academically, we are spared the competition here, because there is no real way of figuring out which child is doing extremely well. However this does not really stop competitive parents from comparing with whatever little information that comes their way. For instance, in school where there are a lot of Indian parents, apparently the competition is quite high, with parents hyping up their children’s achievements, in whichever field possible. Some also try to ask other children what study schedules they have and try to better their own child’s. To what end I wonder? At the end of it, forcing a child into competition, at Β a stage in life where they should really be enjoying the work that they do.

I try really hard not get into the competitive mode. I stay away from the competitive analysis that some do. I do want daughter to learn to put in her 100% in whatever she does. Β I would rather that she learns to love what she does rather than push her to do things just because everybody else is doing it. She wakes up in the morning, and does her Kumon work, her reading and her spelling work before she leaves for school. We worked out that schedule because daughter is a morning person and functions better in the morning. She enjoys doing all this, and actually gets on to doing all this without any prompting from me. Of course, there are off days when she is tired or just out of it, and I do not pressurize her unnecessarily. One day of not following her routine does not really have an impact on her. But forcing her to do it, even when she is not up to it, might take the fun out of it for her. And that is something that I don’t want to do – if I can avoid it. Whatever she does, it has to be for her, not for us to take credit for, or as ‘certificates’ for our parenting skills.. or to earn points or win matches against other parents.. If her school is good, I am just grateful… if she enjoys her activities, I am just glad, and that is all husband and I want for her – to be happy, to enjoy herself, and be confident, give her 100% in everything she undertakes, irrespective of what her peers might be doing.

Which is why I worry when I write about her here – do I sound like one of those gushing parents? So for a while, I stopped writing about her.. just because I started to feel uncomfortable… There was a time when all the posts that came to mind were about her- so I actually stopped writing, because I did not want to go over-board.. Then husband got me to write again because he did not want us forgetting some of the stuff that daughter did just because I was paranoid.. I had thought of writing protected posts.. may be I will, one day.

So kind friends, would you please let me know when I sound like that? I would hate for that to happen…

 

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21 thoughts on “How great is my child..

  1. SHe is the best .. Smitha .. good ot hear that you dont get into this , my kid this my kid that .. I respond back SO WHAT .. each kid in unique they are all beautiful and Gods present to us all ..

    Each kid is unique! That is so true, and sometimes, I wonder how people can forget that!

    ANd blog is something as you say your space and nothing is overboard here πŸ™‚ so chillax if someone thinks that way then I shall let them know they are not welcome .. πŸ™‚ hope you dont mind me saying that to them..

    πŸ™‚ You are a darling! Thanks!

    You know me I would definitely say it …
    No, nobody said anything – I just worry – I am paranoid, just that πŸ™‚

    dont be paranoid there is a lot of difference between a Blog and a FB status . most of statuses are CUT paste or in retaliation to something that is read somewhere ..

    True.. That is true..

    ANd this is like a diary we are preivilidged to be part of it and to read it all .. SO Stop thinking and SMILE and keep
    writing .. and what else did littel one do TODAY πŸ™‚

    Aww! Thank you, Bikram! You sure know how to make me feel better πŸ™‚ What did she do today? She insisted on reading a book, two times before going to bed – while all I wanted was for her to get in bed and sleep πŸ™‚

  2. Smitha, of course not! First of all, the blog is YOUR space, your home where u write about what is important to YOU, and if people don’t like it, they need not read/comment, right? In all the months I’ve been reading your blog, I never felt there was any over-gushing going on, and even if there was, it’s fine! After all, we all think our little ones are top of the pops don’t we *WINK*

  3. I dont think you sound the gushing type at all !!!!

    I think you and a lot of other parents who are writing about their kids primarily are writing it to jot down memories ! So that we dont forget !

    Yes, exactly! I already feel bad that I did not record her early years.

    As far as competing is concerned I dont know why some parents do indulge in it, isnt watching them grow and learn and ask questions just incredibly intriguing and wonderful. I have always ensured that anyone in my house doesnt praise my son in his prescence, second never ask his scores…

    ‘isnt watching them grow and learn and ask questions just incredibly intriguing and wonderful.’ Absolutely! I couldn’t agree more! Why try to prove to others that your child is great, or whatever..

    And I love your policy of no praise in front of him and not asking his scores! I think it is a great, great policy.

    Best part is that since we havent forced him to take his books… he is after my life to show me his books !!!!

    πŸ™‚ Aww! That is wonderful!
    trust me the negative psychology thing works !!! πŸ˜›

    Oh yes! It definitely works here too πŸ™‚

  4. Of course not. You definitely don’t sound the overly gushing type. It’s always good to read about your daughter. (I see you refer to her as “daughter” now. Should I stop using the earlier name you had for her on your blog too?)

  5. What nonsense *Plans to whack Smitha the next time we ever meet* you crazy or what..and before anything lemme tell you I have read your archives as well *I know I am a bit crazy*

    Oh I do too – read your archives πŸ™‚ I am not crazy – I just love the way you write πŸ™‚

    nowhere have I ever felt that you bragged about your daughter…if she does something brag worthy why not yaar?

    I just feel a little conscious. It all started when some people I know posted updates on FB – so many that I started wondering if I sound like that on the blog :)On FB, I hardly update anything πŸ™‚

    I totally agree on the competition and comparison thing..be glglad you are in UK…yahan pe toh..its pathetic..and its between parents of 3 year olds!!! but if she does something that you want to record..THIS is the place and WE are the people you are going to tell okie *gives stern look*

    πŸ™‚ ok, understood πŸ™‚ Arre the comparison and competition is there among some parents here as well – I just steer clear, so they give up after some time πŸ™‚

    Muah to you darling..hope you are now scared of me enough
    πŸ™‚ I am trembling with fear now πŸ™‚

  6. A blog is a diary, a semi personal diary, so what is important to you goes on it. And as a mother, your kid is important to you and you will record the milestones. All parents will empathize with that – we’re all prone to that. So stop having self doubts

  7. Sweetie there is a huge difference between parents who are genuinely proud and happy with their kids, and parents gushing over their kids, not knowing when to stop and comparing them unnecessarily.

    I agree, but I sometimes wonder how I come across to others, you know..

    You clearly fall into the former category, and we love reading about the little darling because she is too adorable. And she has a very straight sensible little head. She is proof to rebuke the classic statement that ”today’s kids attitude are all bad” kind of thing.

    Gee thanks, Ash!

    You fall into the category of a sensible parent. Most of my blogger friends do, thank goodness for that. Take Dhiren for example. He is definitely delighted over Hriday but never in an overt way where we get sick of listening to him.

    I know! We have such wonderful, sensible blog friends, don’t we?

    Stay the same. And keep writing about your daughter…we are loving it, trust me πŸ™‚
    πŸ™‚ Thanks darling!

  8. No no, why do u think so? Most of us mommy bloggers write about our kids for posterity. But yes there are paranoid parents who visibly brag about their kids’ abilities in their presence which is not right, I feel. I recently began frequenting your space and love reading about your daughter… You are not the gushing types at all!!!

  9. you writing over board posts? what’s that? πŸ˜‰ In fact I feel you never gush about poohi and her antics πŸ™‚

    and to each his own Smitha..even if you want to gush per say it’s your space..do whatever you want to in whichever you wish to…

    I know what you’re saying regarding such parents who are constantly in the rat race themselves with other parents and eventually put their children through the same drill ! I had one such friends in school who’s mother did exactly what you mentioned…and I’m talking about when we were in higher classes not even kiddy ones!

  10. Hey! Been reading your posts for quite sometime now and I never felt that you gush over the kid atall! And this is your space to record everything – so you MUST put it all here. And there is no competition here atleast!
    Thats what I do – I put his developments and the naughtiness on the blogspace to record what he has been upto – but you cant mention this outside else the competition of Oh! My daughter did this and my son did that-its nice to hear about the child’s antics on its own – rather than it being compared to what any other kid did…

    So Do do write everything down here and we love reading it too! πŸ™‚

  11. Shut up and just write!! You are the only blogger whose post I never miss on purpose (unless I don’t have a net connection). I am totally in awe with your worldly views and I envy the way you are bringing up little Poohi πŸ™‚ I so wish I had half the sense you have in dealing with my precious boy πŸ˜₯

    You made my day, do you know that, Saksh? As for your darling of a boy – you are doing everything right going by the the smart, balanced young man that is turning out to be πŸ™‚ Nobody could do better πŸ™‚

    Btw you should be glad that you are not in California. It’s so disgusting sometimes to talk with Indian parents here coz most of them are into this rat race with their kids. sigh…I need to do that post i always wanted to do about how many Indians here pressurize their kids to study the American syllabus and at the same time make them do the Indian syllabus πŸ˜₯

    They do that here too! I cannot understand how they can do this to the poor little things! That is such a torture no?

    Now only if i had your way with words………………… You know you are the only blogger who is so so careful with the words you choose to write your posts πŸ˜‰

    Really? Most of the time I just write what I feel like -and then worry about it πŸ™‚

  12. You are a cool mother Smitha.. so please go ahead and write about lovely Poohi… I am sure she will enjoy reading it one day, as much as we are enjoying it now.

    Thank God we have more mothers who are not into competition.. sometimes I wonder if I am only a lazy mother!

  13. you are one of my fave writers Smithus and you are not the gushing type at all! and Poohi is one smart, intelligent cute little kid! πŸ™‚

    Hugs!

    Keep writing about your lovely daughter!! we love love reading about the antics of Poohi kutty! πŸ™‚

  14. Ooohhh Smitha u just echoed my fears…….I too keep wondering whether people really like the kiddy posts I pen/whether I appear too gushy-gushy…u knw.

    Coming to ur fears…..no Smitha I never once felt that abt ur posts on ur daughter.
    U write them in context and I always like to read ur posts whenever I get the chance.

    I guess if we space it out well ie the kid posts among the rest instead of always and always writing of the child and only about the child…thts when we shd be having these fears. And u r not doing that are u πŸ™‚

  15. I never felt that you are being gushy about Poohi but even if you do once in a while it is okay!! You have every right to be and not feel bad about it cuz after all this is your personal space!! Dont worry about what readers will think!

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