The Tragedy of a Working Woman turned SAHM

– Some of the currently working women almost look down on you because they feel that you have

  • Wasted your education
  • Lost your independence
  • Wonder if you don’t feel trapped into not going back to work
  • Wonder how your child would feel later about your quitting work

– Some of the SAHM* from the beginning types

  • Applaud you on your ‘sacrifice’
  • Look for ways to tell you how you don’t match up, because obviously, this is not your forte

Either way, we are doomed 😦 Why, I wonder? Is it so necessary to judge? After all, all of us do things/make decisions that work for us as a family. What might work for me, might not work for you. We all make choices that make sense to us.  Life after all is not a mold into which all us fit perfectly, is it?

*SAHM – Stay at home mother

51 thoughts on “The Tragedy of a Working Woman turned SAHM

    • I totally agree with the fact that everyone of us is unique and so are our circumstances. Judging others and trying to see their decisions without giving a deeper thought to the reasons behind them is absolute injustice.
      I so agree πŸ™‚

      I believe in ‘live and let live in peace’ πŸ˜› πŸ˜›
      Thats why we love you so, CB πŸ™‚ Hugs!

      A wonderful thought provoking post πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  1. We are not coming out of a machine…then life will be boring and predictable. Everyone should have their own thoughts and everyone should appreciate it.

    You are so right! We are certainly not coming out of a machine!

    It is always said ‘the other side of the fence is green’ – is it called ‘jealousy’, what they feel?!

    I guess you are right.

  2. It seems like whichever side of the fence you are on, the judging never ends.

    I know. The judging never ends, does it 😦

    Here as a working mom, I am always made to feel that I am beyond the world horrible because I get others to take care of my kid while I flit around to this place called work.

    I used to get that when I was working, Comfy. I know exactly what you are talking about. People even came and told me that they were so ‘glad’ that I decided to stop working, because they felt ‘bad’ for my ‘poor’ daughter!

    Everyone is different and has the right to make their own choices. What works for one, does not work for the other. Can we please not judge others. Please?

    Absolutely! I just wish I could say that everyone!

  3. U said it all Smithu πŸ™‚ We hv talked abt this so many times no! Sadly, this never ends. But we know we r the best the way we luv to be. So hugs πŸ™‚

    • I know πŸ™‚ We have discussed this so much, haven’t we? Reminds me that I haven’t been able to call you for a while – will try and call you next week πŸ™‚

  4. Ok listen sweetheart…
    let me tell you something…
    “Why I wonder…do u bother to listen to them? πŸ™‚ Why do you let them affect you?”
    I really don’t, but sometimes, it does get annoying, you know. Especially when people start advicing you πŸ™‚

    Their judgement is none of your concern. Remember…you know your life and your decisions best…and why you took them. They dont, and their perspective on life differs from yours. Dont worry so much…you have everything…a lot of women would kill to have your life πŸ™‚ and u never know, it may be them just exhibiting their jealousy! πŸ˜€

    I know, I should just let it slide off my back.

    So cheer up…and hold ur head high!

    Will do πŸ™‚ Thanks and hugs!

  5. Smi, People are going to judge you no matter what.
    Do what fits best for your family. You are the best person to decide this. You were working outside then and now decided to leave it all. Do you like it? If Yes then nothing else matters. What works for you and your family is nobody’s business.

    At least we have a choice.

  6. I have no clue of how it must feel in this case due to obvious lack of experience but I know how it feels to be judged.

    You might never have thought about that person’s opinions would irritate you so much or even mattered so much! Been there!

    None of us are kids, we fully know our responsibilities and we are capable of taking decisions that suit us.

    And hey, education is for empowerment in life, not defining it’s flow. Knowledge is not wasted if you decide not to cash on it.

    SAHM is a tough job, seen my friends do it. Taking the decision to be one is a tough decision as well. So well done!

    Super tight hugs! Feeling better or should I blabber more? πŸ˜€

  7. Oh God, I think of this every bl**Dy day.. it is always playing on my mind. But I think Soli has answered this for me by saying ‘Do what fits best for your family’. Things are so much clearer now. Though, every time I check ‘Linkedin’ my heart sinks into a bottomless pit…to see my peers all in the league of Vice Presidents and so on, and I remain, yours faithfully.. a SAHM!!!

  8. I agree with your post so much. And, there is judging no matter what. Even my parents’ tenant also has advice for my parents on how I can make it work by going for work πŸ™‚ When people enjoy something they do, they seem to force it on everyone, instead of realizing that others are enjoying what they are doing! When I used to be WOHM, I too used to wonder why some of my SAHM friends are wasting their education, eventhough I never voiced it to them. Now, since I am on the other side because of my convictions, I understand better.

  9. Just wanted to add one more point. Education is so worthwhile for the role of a parent and homemaker. Many times when playing with my girls or reading with them, or doing little projects with them, I feel like I have utilized my education the most, than at work πŸ™‚

  10. Yes…. there are certainly twinges of envy at times if u are a SAHM. But family is also a priority and one has to mould according to one’s unique circumstances. The time and effort u invest in bringing up you kids is priceless though πŸ™‚

  11. No doubt about what you’ve typed in above…though I’m not a mom right now but have left work and currently nursing the role of a house wife…so I know how these things are sent my way in the form or general talk,questions or a taunt sometimes !!! sigh !

    Honestly,I used to feel a little awkward about the way things started taking shape after I left my job and felt really sad about my decision initially but now I know what’s important for me and my family and I always remember the reason why I took this decision the others who don’t know and don’t possess a balanced head which can understand can GTH ! πŸ˜‰

    Others would never be a better judge of any situation you’re going through-good,bad or ugly! Their job is to just mouth their sometimes really silly opinions…our job is to shut these kind of people from our minds πŸ™‚

  12. I had a permanent government job , 5 minutes from my house when my son was a year old. Bai problems , lack of solutions, made me decide to resign to pay more attention to his bringing up. My folks stayed in another city, and were very upset, saying they could have come and stayed and looked after – it was only for a year or so till school began. My in laws who stayed in the same city as me never agreed to come and stay , and my folks who were much younger and had their own activities offered. I couldnt agree. We went visiting my in laws the day after . My visiting bro-in-law told me I was stupid to resign, and my mother-in-law told me she couldnt express how happy she was, now that I had resigned. I just sat there, looking suitably dumb.

    So people talk . Ignore them. You have to decide for yourself. Dont remain obligated to anyone.

  13. I sometimes wonder how much people know about our potential more than us, to comment and judge about it! πŸ˜›

    I have a friend, whose only condition for marriage was that groom and his family should allow her to work… we used to argue, “about the kind of work” and “work” acc, to her “was anything that pays outside the four walls of home..” and we the two other roommates used to discus into the night (many nights) with her, to drive some sense into her, often waking up on the sofa in the mornings…!!

    Smiths, It’s all about our priorities….You have just done what you wanted in life, ignore the rest and the world!! as if they care!!

    I am in awe of the superwoman who handles work and family perfectly, present whenever needed any time any where..!! myth!! but aren’t these women aiming for this status, a little out of breath! trapped in some vague feminist notion of liberation? It just makes them work double!! πŸ˜› πŸ˜› we know if they don’t πŸ˜›

    • And I have a dad, who one main condition for his daughter’s groom was…whether the guy could manage the family without his daughter’s income πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  14. Smitha, I was in this same postion years ago.

    Yes, too many people judge. At first I would try to explain my decision, but later learned to ignore them.

    It’s different for everyone. Only you can decide what’s best for you to do…..

  15. u know what there is a post in my drafts on this from two days… there was a argument I had with Ms. Sagarika gosh on twitter two days back on the same.

    Let me find the time to finish that ASAP.

    I hate people who judge others with what they think is right

  16. Oh.. its just not about SAHMs .. its the same plight for people who decide to chuck traditional career options also.. Its so sad that every new person I meet needs to know where i work..dont we have identities other than the workplaces we go to .. But yeah, i am in awe with SAHMs who decide to stay around and spend more time with their children as they lets do the best possible thing-ignore the judge mental people πŸ™‚

  17. Aah! The waste your life/education thing is something I have got a million times and over. Crazy really! But makes me wonder indeed, if we can accept people for what they are, or do we perpetually need to measure them on some kind of scale…….

  18. Such a beautiful, thought provoking post.
    Each one of us has our own reasons to take the decisions that we do. I wish people would just get on with their own lives instead of judging others.

  19. i remember a famous song Kuch to log kahenge , logonga kaam hai kehna ..

    so why bother about them … I dont give a damn what the world says i do what i want to , my mother was uneducated and stayed at home she was a hosue wife all her life, But that doesnot mean its wrong , I am what i am because of all the things she has taught me .. staying at home is a full time job.. and mind you my mother is much intelligent then so many of these tossers who say otherwise and have a chip on there shoulder…

    SO i would not worry about what people say what do they know hainnnn…
    and actually staying at home looking after the family, is a harder job. and it sure keeps the family together …

    so hats off to you…… all these people who are saying thins we will see how they do in long run how there kids and family turns out to be πŸ™‚

    Bikram’s Blog

  20. πŸ™‚
    Untill now, I thought there were only two kinds- Working or not working.. You are so right when you say: ”
    Working mom who becomes SAHM” they definitely need a third category………there pains are different all together. πŸ™‚

    I repeat my husband’s line: “You are the best mother for your kid” no matter who tells you otherwise

  21. It’s been ages since I’ve reconciled to being a SAHM but apparently others can’t seem to get over it. I stopped caring a while back after all “those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter”, eh? πŸ˜€

  22. I know the feeling… I have experienced it so many times! But I know what my priorities are and it doesn’t bother me any more! Everybody’s situations/priorities are different, and one can’t compare anybody’s life with someone else!

  23. Sometimes i feel sick of hearing all that.Many times i was told that i have ample time to do stupid things like crafts/painting/crochet sitting at home,It is my way of passing my time when kids are not at home.

  24. Pingback: Education – a right or a privilege? | Monika's World

  25. Very rightly said…what works for one, need not work for the other !!! Thotful post, Smithu…its always in ppl’s mind to judge others by their standards…while their standards may be plunging downwards according to another…

    Let each live their life peacefully and happily. πŸ™‚

  26. Hugs Smithus!!

    Thanks Pix πŸ™‚

    I totally understand how annoying it can get!
    what works for you and your family is all that matters…

    Absolutely! Why judge? When we would have no idea what drives another person?

  27. How I wish my brain could churn out properly aligned and meaningful words to write an entire post about this πŸ˜₯ Note to self, I should try to take a back shot of myself working hard to keep the home and family happy and then maybe the photograph will say a thousand words about the busy life of a SAHM πŸ˜₯

    Could not agree more, Saksh! It is so annoying that some people think that we lead a life of leisure just because we don’t ‘work’!

    Smithu, you know when I meet working women for the first time, usually they think of me as a North Indian (yeah they judge me by my husband’s surname πŸ˜₯ ) Gavaar because I tend to talk about family rather than Office politics and such! After a few meetings when they get to know more about me they do change that opinion thankfully :mrgreen:

    That is so annoying! I hate the slots that people like to put people in – the automatic assumption that just because we are homemakers, we have no brains or interests!

    Then starts the torture πŸ˜₯ why are you wasting your life, career. Why is it important to you to cook 3 times a day? Your son is big enough to go to day care etc etc.And the mother of all advice “You are not earning any money for all the work you do at home” πŸ‘Ώ

    Oh yes! That money thing! And advice on how you might regret it if you don’t go back to work. One even asked me if don’t feel bad to be ‘dependant’ on my husband! As if what I do at home is of no importance at all!

    Sigh!! it’s hard to keep ones cool at such tiring get together’s I swear! 😑

    I ignore most, but sometimes I need to vent out here πŸ™‚ Thank god for blogging πŸ™‚

  28. Hugs, Smits, I hear you!

    The way I look at it is, if I’m happy and satisfied with the decisions that I made and if they work in the best interest of my family then theres nothing else that matters.

    “Life after all is not a mold into which all us fit perfectly, is it?” Very well put & totally agree with your viewpoint πŸ™‚

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