This is something that has been niggling me for sometime now and then I read a bunch of posts on being judgemental and judging.. So all this came out in this post.. This has been in the drafts for some time now and my thought might not be too coherent – as its feeling all mixed up and crazy right now 😦
Well, I was always quick at passing judgement on things which I did not agree with! ‘ Oh that woman is so regressive! or ‘That guy certainly thinks the world of himself’ , you know, in that sort of way..
Well, there is a colleague of my husband’s who came to him and said that his wife was doing some kind of fast , the next day – and would it be alright to come and give us the prasad. My husband replied that – ofcourse it would.. Later that day, he came and requested him to make sure that I don’t eat any onions and garlic that day – which was the very next day.
My husband came home and told me this and my first reaction was, ‘What’?!! The thing was that I was planning to use up the leftovers(some had onions and some had garlic) – as it was a Friday. It made me uncomfortable, I mean, in order to fulfill their request – I had to either not eat the leftovers and cook fresh – in which case the leftovers would go waste, or disregard the request and not worry about it.. My husband told me not to think too much – and in case they ask – he would just say that he forgot to tell me.. Well it niggled me the whole of thursday and on friday – I decided to eat the leftovers – as I did not have a choice – Had some work and could not cook afreash. Now, by this time, I had already judged them as very strict and very religious and was also a little angry at them for putting me in that position.. I had mental images of them all formed! My husband had earlier told me that this person, had very strong views about not sending his son to a ‘christian school’ – so that added to my mental image too 🙂 In the end, they did not ask me if I had had onions and garlic , (thank god() and they just came for a 5 mins stop by to give the prasad, so I did not really get to know them.. But it did make me wonder, if I was indeed being extra intolerant of somebody else’s faith? Was I too quick to judge..After all, all they did was, make a request ? While they might be very particular about their faith – was I also, not being equally particular about my comforts – so, in what was was I different?
So when I say that I am passionate about something – and somebody is passionate about the exact opposite thing – can one of us be less tolerant – aren’t we both equally opinionated?
I am told, many a time that when I get going on women’s equality and freedom – I refuse to see another side. Does that make me intolerant? I think, I have come to the conclusion that – probably, yes. I do get overly passionate over things..
I know, it is easier to label regressive behaviour as intolerant behavior.. But I have started wondering, if , even in ‘progressive behaviour’, we do display intolerance?
For instance, my MIL would have wanted me to wear bichiyas – one of the signs of ‘married women’ . Now, I find it extremely painful and I do not wear it… While it is easy to say that my MIL is hanging on to her beliefs – am I also not doing the same thing ? Because, if I were tolerant – I would probably wear it…
How do we define tolerance and being opinionated? Do we even have a definition that fits and satisfies all of us? But then again, what are we, if we do not have our beliefs, our opinions and with all this – does judgement come as a sideline?