For a child to be a child.. Post 12

..seems to be almost impossible..

Sandhya and Monika shared this link on Facebook, and I had to add my two cents. Apparently, a mother gave her 8 year old daughter Botox, apart from treatments like waxing her legs. All for a beauty pageant.

I can’t help wonder what motivates mothers(or parents) to even think of such treatments for a child. How can a parent be obsessed by the way their child looks? How can a beauty pageant be so important that their child needs to go through such ‘treatments’ to compete?  In the link, the child talks about having Botox to get rid of ‘wrinkles’. Wrinkles? On an 8 yr old child? What, how? I mean, I am running out of words here.

Here I flinch when I take my daughter for her regular immunizations, which, I know, is no comparison, but how could a mother inject her child with Botox for purely cosmetic reasons? What is most saddening and horrifying for me, is that the little girl believed that she has wrinkles! And that it is ‘unladylike’ for a girl to have hair on her body! This is an 8 year old talking, by the way, just in case we forget, in the face of all these adult treatments.

Why are we robbing our children on their childhood? While most parents would not go to the extreme of Botox or waxing, but the emphasis on beauty and looks is pretty much there. I was in a beauty saloon about 6 years ago, in Bangalore. I was pregnant with daughter at that time. While I was getting my hair cut, there was this little girl, not more than 4 or 5 years old, who had professional make-up applied on her. They were on their way to a wedding, and the little girl was delighted with her make-up.  She looked horrendous with adult make-up and lipstick on her, in my opinion, but people were cooing on her and telling her that she looked like a movie-star.If only I could have given them a piece of my mind. The staff of the saloon told me that it is routine. Parents get their children to have make-up applied, hair straightened, curled, set, the works. Now, I see people I know, doing the same. My little girl is curious about make-up too, but I am careful not to glamourise it, and thankfully, apart from the cursory look at what I am upto, she is not really bothered. And I would have it no other way.

It is not just about makeup either. Some of my daughter’s friends have shoes with heels. They wear delicate shoes, with straps, and bows and all sorts of things, which just about allows them to stand without tripping over. What happened to sensible shoes? Sandals which allows them to be children? I might be considered an ‘unfashionable’ mother, but I much rather have my child playing, running and doing everything she wants to rather than wear ‘fashionable’ shoes and get shoe-bitten or just stand in a corner. No wonder the boys seem more active, because they are dressed appropriately. When on holiday, I just take sturdy, sensible shoes for her. Yes, she might not change shoes with every outfit, but at least she is able to walk miles, and not have shoe bites, and aching feet.

I have heard new-born babies being lauded as ‘She will be a Miss Universe’. A woman’s need for beauty is stated right from the beginning of her life. I am yet to hear someone say that of a baby boy. A child(girl) who is tall is told, ‘She will be a model, when she grows up’. When we put such ideas into their heads, is it a wonder that little girls get obsessed with their looks and their clothes? Yes, not all of them might be worried about their wrinkles, but some are definitely worried about their complexion.

Here in the UK, there is an initiative called ‘Stop Pimping our Kids’, which is part of a TV programme. They try to take on retailers who sell inappropriate clothes targeted at children as young as 6/7 years old. While it is great to make the retailers accountable, I think the deeper question is, who buys these clothes? Clearly these clothes are on the rack,because parents are buying them.. Isn’t that a bigger problem?

If only I could cocoon daughter from all these influences. I know I can’t but I can try to negate them by deflecting her attention, and by explaining why heels are not such a good idea. Not just for children, even for adults. And by focussing on things that lets her be a child.

Comfortable in one’s own skin

Half of Britain’s secondary school girls consider some form of cosmetic surgery as an option to enhance themselves.

Apparently, the number increases with students who are not doing very well in studies or are from an unprivileged background. Self respect or lack of self-respect/self-esteem seems to be the reason behind this. That and the fact that cosmetic surgery is being peddled as the one stop treatment to all issues.

We were watching a programme on Channel 4 called The White Beauty Myth. It dwelled on how people wanted to look ‘white’ as the Caucasian looks are considered by a lot of people around the world as the ultimate or supreme and how a lot of people were resorting to surgery to ‘deracialise’ themselves. Not getting into the details of the white beauty myth itself, I was appalled to see how many people felt that their success depended on how they looked.

There was a Malaysian man who was considering getting leg lengthening surgery, people wanting to change their jaw structures, noses, breasts, the list is endless. It makes one wonder what makes these people be so ready to go under the knife. In some cases, the issue was clearly self-esteem. They felt that making their looks change would change the way the world looks at them.

Cindy Jackson has been named, for the 11th year running, the most surgically enhanced woman in the world. She has had 50 or more cosmetic procedures at the cost of over £100,000. She talks about how she felt the same people treating her better after she had cosmetic surgery. While most people do not go to such lengths, a lot of people seem to feel that some sort of cosmetic surgery is definitely an option.

With celebrities coming out in the open about the surgery that they have had and television programmes on how a little nip/tuck makes a huge difference, and people weeping tears if gratitude after a successful procedure, must be changing people’s minds, especially those who already feel uncomfortable with their appearance.

The truth is that while cosmetic surgery might make a positive difference for a lot of people, for some, it might just turn too costly, some pay with their lives. After all, just like any surgery, things could go wrong even in cosmetic surgery.

Body image is fast becoming very important for a lot of young people and cosmetic surgery is one industry which appears unfazed by even the recession. One plastic surgeon apparently ‘redesigned’ his wife. The latest is a criminal who outwit the police by going under the knife. Japan’s number one fugitive, outwit the police and escaped capture fortwo and half years by altering his appearance.

To me, the most worrying aspect is that so many young girls seem to feel that cosmetic surgery is an option. The fact that they are worried enough about how they look, to even think of going under the knife to change their looks! As teenagers, with their lives ahead of them, it is sad that the lack of self-esteem is pushing them to take such measures.

Is it getting more and more difficult for people to be comfortable in their own skin? Is our media and our environment giving us signals to be ashamed of our bodies? Will opting for plastic surgery to tweak that nose or getting a slim tummy become just as common as visiting a dentist is for us today? Is the way we look starting to define how successful we are – irrespective of which field of work we are in?