The Swallows of Kabul by Yasmina Khadra

I came across this book during my weekly haunt of the neighborhood library. I remembered reading about this book somewhere, and decided to pick it up.

Lets just say that I certainly did not regret the choice.

The Swallows of Kabul is set in Afghanistan, controlled by the Taliban. Where a man and woman cannot even talk to each other in the streets, even if they are man and wife. Even laughing in the streets can result in punishments from the regime. The books main characters are Mohsen and Zunaira, and Atiq and his wife Musarrat. Mohsen is a middle class, educated young man, who in the madness of moment, stones a prostitute to death. After the event, he is wracked by guilt and shock to see the depths to which he sunk. Carrying his guilt home, he goes home and bares his heart to his wife, who finds it tough to understand what made him behave the way he did. His wife, Zunaira, is a former magistrate, who is now forced to remain indoors, cover herself completely if she wants to step out. The whole situation frustrates her so much, that she prefers to stay at home, and be the person she is, than step out,covered up in such a way that it takes away her identity.

Atiq is a jailor with a terminally ill wife. He is wracked by confusion of what he should do. His colleague advises him to divorce her and marry again. He protests that he can’t possibly do that – she has nobody else and she had once saved his life . He is told that he was the one who saved her – after all he married her – what more can a woman ask for. ‘She is a subordinate. Furthermore, it’s an error to believe that any man owes anything at all to a woman’. His wife is a woman who tries to do everything for him, even when she is so ill. There is nothing she won’t do for him – for him to be happy, and therein lies her tragedy.

By a cruel twist of fate the lives of the four of them intersect.

It is a sad, heartbreaking story. One that will stay with you for a while. One that I certainly can’t forget in a hurry. It also makes you think of the people who are actually living lives like that. People who have had their liberties taken away, who have had their identities taken away. It made me scared to see how easy it is to brainwash people, to make them react as a mob, in situations where otherwise, they would have walked away from.

A very thought provoking read. Something which will stay with me for some time to come.. 4/5

Edited to add: Just a little piece of information. Yasmin Khadra is the pen name of the author, Mohammed Moulessehoul. Apparently he was in the Algerian Army and used a pen name to avoid military censorship. 

Educating ourselves…

.. is such a huge part of being a parent. There are so many things that I have learnt in the last five years of being a mother. Usha’s post on Perspectives reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend of mine.

She has a daughter a year younger than mine, and she goes to a private school. Before I go further, let me explain the schooling system here. Most children in the primary level go to state schools. Only around 8% or so go to private schools. There are several very good state schools, and if you are in a good state school, the education is quite good, and comparable to private schools.

So this friend of mine sends her child to a private school, and is not very impressed by ‘what they are teaching her’, in her words. Just to put things into perspective, she has been quite worried about her child’s education(or the lack of it) since the time the child was just 3. At that time she was concerned that her daughter did not know how to write. Here, they do not pressurize the children to write, they encourage, and the child picks up when they are ready for it. For some reason, she keeps comparing the education standards with that in India – whether it makes sense or not.

So coming back to her worries, she is worried because the school does not send back daily feedback – no homework, and nothing for the parent to work upon. So I explained to her that it is quite similar in Poohi’s school as well. They don’t really send back much work. They only ask us to spend around 10 minutes a day reading with a child. But that did not satisfy her – it is fine for Poohi’s school to send back no work, because it is a state school(free), but in a private school, where they are paying for an education, they should get the child to do more..

Now this is something I find difficult to get my head around. Paid or not, surely what matters is how well they ensure that the child picks up things. Given the fact that the education system is quite different from what we are used to, back in India, I think we really ought to approach it differently. We cannot after all expect the same sort of studying pattern, curriculum or teaching styles from two very different systems.

Every time I go to Poohi’s school, I can’t help be amazed at the amount of work the teachers put in. I really don’t find anything to complain about nor can I ask for anything more from them. The efforts that the teachers put in ensures that the children are motivated and excited by work. For instance, we got the overview of the curriculum for the next term, at the end of the last term. The children had been told of what they would learn too. One of the topics was ‘Dinosaurs’. Poohi came home excited, opened her book of dinosaurs( we just happened to have a book), and read through everything. Apparently,’When Mrs C asks the class, I can put my hand up!’ was the motivation behind it. She is so excited about learning, that she makes that extra effort without any prompting from anybody else. I can honestly say that this sort of excitement can only come from teachers who have made it all so exciting for them, that they look forward to learning more.

Yes, they might not send home books and books of homework, they might not force children to write or read, but they make it fun, they make it interesting, so much so that the children want to learn more. They are motivated, not pressurized. That is all I ask for! That happiness on daughter’s face when she learns, when she picks up new things, makes links of how dinosaurs dying out is similar to how people evolved from monkeys – what more can a parent ask for? We get to see the work that our children do at school during the Parent teachers evening, and it is amazing! They do a lot at school. They cover so much ground, that there is no real need to send home work. Children do get some work, but it is not a huge amount of stuff, and a lot of it involves a child using her creativity, thinking and understanding what needs to be done. When I see daughter working on her learning logs, I am amazed at how her mind works. It goes to show that young minds are so fresh, and innovative, that they can indeed come up with incredible stuff, if we let them be.

Usha also talks about the environment at home affecting the child. So many times when I hear mothers lamenting that their children show interest only in TV shows and would never pick up a book of their own, I can’t help asking how many times they pick up books instead of the TV remote? Not that being a reading parent guarantees a reading child, but being around books, does encourage a child to read(in my opinion). After all, we parents are the first role models that our children have. Taking a child to the library regularly for an outing will making him/her think of reading as a fun activity rather than a chore or a ‘homework’.

And yes, if you do have genuine grievances, talking to the teachers and understanding their point of view is far more useful isn’t it than worrying and complaining that the teachers are no good? And no matter what we think, children do pick up on what the parent thinks. If the parent is unhappy or dismissive of the teachers efforts, chances are that the child may not take the teacher seriously either..

Every time I hear a parent criticize teachers, I can’t help feel uneasy. While I am sure there are several uncommitted teachers, I am sure that there are plenty of wonderful teachers out there. At least I was lucky to have some great ones.. And Poohi has had wonderful teachers so far. As a parent, what I really want to do is be a team with my child’s teacher, to work along with them, to bring out the best in my child. Yes, there might be times when she might not have the best of teachers, but that is when I will need to step up and be there for her.. And hopefully, I will be able to give her what she needs to learn, to grow and to expand her horizons….

Edited to add: Do read Sheils post on how wonderfully creative learning can be! 

All set for any emergency?

How well are you set for emergencies? Husband thinks that I am always ready to think of the worst. He says I jump every time the phone rings, that I am totally paranoid.

Paranoid or not, I cannot step out of house without my phone.. Nor can I go to sleep without the phone beside me. How on earth did I survive those years before mobiles? Or even landlines for that matter.. Clearly, my paranoia has grown over the years..

I never step out without my wallet with me. Husband on the other hand, is known for forgetting his. It has happened more than once that he has gone out, and realized at the checkout that he has forgotten his wallet at home. Normally, I am there to rescue him. Once, right after Poohi was born, we went for a walk and had planned to pick up a few essentials from a nearby supermarket. We got everything and stood in the queue, only to reach the checkout and realize that neither of us had our wallets. Now this was just a few of weeks after my delivery. I was not supposed to do any thing that exerted me. My mum had decreed that hauling my handbag was hard work So I was without my handbag, husband had no money on him, and I was already exhausted after the walk. We had no option but for me to wait there while husband rushed home to get his wallet.. And yes, those days we did not have a car either! That was probably one of the only times we ended up like this – without any money. Husband, as I said, is still unfazed about walking around without his wallet, cards or money. I am the other extreme. I feel extremely uncomfortable. I might not have cash, but I always have cards and my phone. Husband is not bothered about the phone either. His phone’s primary use is to browse the internet. Calling up people or receiving calls are much lower in priority

Once chatting to a friend, I was jolted out of my complacence. She said she kept a couple of hundred pounds with her at all time! My jaw-dropped! There would be days when I could only find pennies in my purse.. And husband is of no help either. Goodness! Here I was, thinking that I was all set for emegencies, only to realize that I wasn’t! Money was added to my emergency kit. Now I always have cash as well Can’t take chances, you see! Not 200 pounds –  I would be scared to walk around with that much on me – but something for sure.

Is it a wonder that you can find just about everything in my handbag? Everything except the one thing that I need at that moment

So tell me, are you all set for emergencies? And what do you consider your must-haves?

The Donor by Helen Fitzgerald

Will Marion is a single father with two sixteen year old daughters. His wife abandoned him and their three year old daughters and took off with her long time lover. They haven’t heard from her since, and Will has been doing everything he could to take care of the them. Even if it meant he had to give up his dreams, even if it meant that he had to give up life as he knew it. His world revolved around his daughters, Georgia and Kay.

Kay was sweet, mild tempered, a smiling happy baby, who stayed that way. Georgia had been angry, bad tempered as soon as she was born, and she stayed that way. Constantly challenging her dad, dreaming of her mother, and generally being angry.

Just after their sixteenth birthday, both girls are diagnosed with failing kidneys. They need transplants to save their life. Will can donate a kidney, but he can donate just one. Will puts in all his savings to trace his runaway wife to see if she could donate a kidney only to find out that over 15 years of drug abuse has left her organs unusable.

Now Will has to decide which of his girls would get his kidney – the angelic Kay or the angry Georgia. How can a parent ever decide between two of their children

What does he finally do? You’ll have to read it to find out.

It was a book I just could not put down. Fast paced, shocking, and makes you wish and wish that somehow miraculously everything works out. If you enjoy Jodi Picoults books, then you will enjoy this as well. I loved the book and would rate it a 4/5.

 

Wordless Wednesday – 25

A Walkaway Weekend..

Its been a while since I wrote about our weekends. Not surprising, actually, because most of our weekends don’t seem to be something to write home about, these days!

Last year, I enrolled Poohi in a swimming class, and that I think partially contributed  to the demise of the weekend posts. Just the other day, husband and I were horrified to find out that we did not even make one day trip to York last year. York is our neighbouring, cute, historical town. We love going there, walking around, walking by the river.. It is even better in spring and summer, but that never stopped us from going there in Autumn and Winter. This last year, every saturday goes off in finishing off Poohi’s work, rushing to the swimming lesson, and once we are back, we end up wasting time over lunch, and before you know it, the day is over!

Last Saturday, we decided to go to York. No wasting time having lunch and stuff, lets just get going and grab a bite outside- was the plan. It was freezing, but sunny – the mere feel of sun, makes the whole world look cheerful and happy! And the whole world also looks like it is out to enjoy the day but in the opposite direction. Look!

Normally, we drive to York and then spend the same amount time trying to find a parking space. This time we decided to use the Park and Ride facility. We always thought of trying it out but never did. So we parked the car and got onto the bus to take us to the city centre.

Public Transport is so much more fun, isn’t it? At least it is for me I love getting into buses and pretending that we are on a real holiday

Now, while this trip was all suddenly decided, we did have a plan. We have been to the York Minster loads of times, we had never made the trip up the tower. Most of the time, we end up parking somewhere far away, walk through all the little lanes, and are exhausted by the time we reach the Minster. This time, we had a one point agenda. Climb up the Tower. So as soon as we reached, we rushed to buy the tickets, only to be told that our daughter needed to be 8 before she could be allowed up there… Now, having no option to leave her behind, we decided to just take pictures and walk around all those quaint little lanes, just as we do every time that we are in York.

The York Minster from all sorts of angles( to bore you all to death )

Outside..

And inside..

And some more.. doesn’t it look majestic?

Since climbing the tower did not happen, we decided to do the other thing we always planned and never did. Walking on the City Walls.  Apparently York has more city walls intact than any other English city. So off we went. Fun time we had, and a history lesson as well, because Poohi wanted to know everything about why York has city walls.. Going through the pictures, I realized that I had just one picture without any of us – that’s what happens when Husband has the camera- he does not remember to take blog pics

Something cute(that we found cute), we found while on that wall..

The sunset far away…..

Finally we came to the end – of one part of the walls, anyway. And off we went through the little lanes, dotted with cute shops.. And after all the walking, we went into a cute little cafe, and had a full Yorkshire Tea, complete with scones with clotted cream and all. Tummy and soul satisfied, we walked back to the bus stop to take us to where our car was parked. It was -2 deg, but we had the greatest time!

On Sunday, because all the walking was not enough for us, we decided to go to a nearby park, and go on a nature walk. It was a cold and frosty morning – one of the first really cold days this winter. Everything looked like they had been dusted by a fine sprinkling of icing sugar. Just the perfect weather for a walk beside the lake.

Turns out, we were not the only folks out to enjoy the day..

And look frosted rock….

After all the walking, we balanced it out nicely with bread rolls, bread pakodas, mix veggie pakodas and gulab jamuns – Can’t take the risk of being too healthy, can we?

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The Truth About Melody Browne by Lisa Jewell

Another book that I picked up purely by instinct. I think this is the first book by the author that I have read so far.

Melody Browne is a  single mother with a 17 year old son. She lives in Covent Garden in a council estate and works as  a Kitchen Assistant(a fancy term for dinner lady). She goes out on a date(after years) with a lovely man she met on a bus. It takes her a lot of courage to go on a date at all. They go to a hypnotist’s show, from where her life goes a little crazy. She has flashes of memory which she does not recognize. She does not remember anything before the age of 9. He oldest memory is at the age of nine, when she is rescued from a burning house, with her parents and one painting. She does not have any recollection of her life before that. But after her experience at the hypnotist, she starts getting flashes of memory.

She starts finding out things from her past and it leads her to the missing pieces of her memory. I can’t say much more without relating the whole story. It is a fascinating read. A very quick read, fast paced, keeps your interest throughout, and leaves you thinking of how easily fate could change life in an instant…

I would recommend it for a quick read. Some thing light and interesting and at the same time captivating. 3/5

Write – the right way?

In a comment to my previous post, Ash asked me to write down my list! Write, the old fashioned way? Goodness! It has been so long that I have written anything more than my name – while signing it that too, I get horrified if I have to write anything!

I remember taking up some certification in 2002. It was just 3-4 years since I graduated, but I had already forgotten how to write. While studying for the certification, I never practised writing. On the day of the exam, I struggled. It was one thing knowing the answers, writing them down, was just another story! My fingers ached at the end of the exam – I had totally lost practice with writing on paper. The next time I took a certification, I checked first if it was a written paper- there was no way, I was going through that ordeal again. I can study, prepare, stay up nights, wake up early, everything but write another exam!

I used to envy people who come to supermarkets armed with handwritten lists. I find it so cute! Once I found an abandoned list in a shopping trolley. I stood there admiring the handwriting. Gorgeously formed letters, lovely words – almost felt like an ancient, forgotten art. In my previous house, we had a nice board in the kitchen, where we could pin up shopping lists. I always planned to do that, but ended up making lists on my phone in the end, after forgetting to take those lists when I stepped out. At least with my phone, the list is sure to be taken with me. Also it is much easier to use.

So it was after years- 12-13 years of only signing my name, or at the max, filling up forms in capital letters, or signing a card, with a few words, that I realized that I would have to learn to write again. Thanks to daughter. Try as I might to avoid writing, I would still have to write sometime. Sigh! And to add to that, I am used to writing in cursive, while daughter’s school still teaches the other style. So now, I have to learn to write letters without joining them! Can you even imagine it? And when I do write, I realize that daughter has far better handwriting than I do! How on earth can I ask her to work on her handwriting when mine is a scrawl! There was a year, I think it was when she was 3 and in nursery, when I had to write out 35 or so Christmas cards – not easy! Thankfully now she is old enough to write them, so that is one piece of writing I don’t need to do. At least the rest of the mums will not figure out that I am the mum with the worst handwriting!

So maybe, Ash’s suggestion, is after all, a good one.. Writing down lists might actually give me handwriting practice Or better still, maybe I should borrow a few of daughter’s handwriting practice books and work on them. And maybe give myself a nice sticker for completing it too

There is a right time for everything..

..so they say.. I have come to the conclusion that there certainly is a right time for everything, and a wrong time for everything as well.

- Reading yummy looking food blogs should have a statutory warning – ‘ Do not read if hungry – can lead to disastrous consequences’.

- Grocery Shopping while hungry – same warning should be displayed – in huge letters, preferably. Or they should have a tummy rumbling sensor which bans us from entering. If only those darn supermarkets thought of public service instead of their bottom lines!!!

- The absolutely wrong time to shop is in the run up to Christmas – atleast in this country. The other day, I got stuck in a shopping trolley traffic jam. Too many people, too many shopping trolleys. All I wanted was milk, and I still got stuck!

- While on supermarkets, the sure fire way of ensuring that some thing gets sold out is for me to desperately want it. Once a supermarket was out of eggs! That never happens – but it happened when I had to bake – and then I had to hunt for an egg-less recipe!!!! Sometimes it is our favourite brand of bread – somehow, it gets sold out! Once the lady ahead of me had it!

- The wrong time to start playing monopoly is definitely any time after 8 – for me. It does not finish on time, and even if it does, I stay up half the night thinking what I could have done to win!

- The wrong time to join any exercise class is certainly after the Christmas-New Year break. The whole world and their cousin is out to work away the holiday excess(new year resolutions?). Classes are packed! Forget about classes, even the roads are full of joggers out to make you guilty! And it gets less and less crowded as the new year sets in, and we get used to our extra weight.

- The totally wrong time to bake is when you already have cake at home. And I must be one of those crazy people who think that it is a good idea So now, I know all about freezing cakes. I have two varieties frozen!

Now that I have it all jotted down, I should take a print out and put it on my refrigerator -maybe, that could stop me from doing weird stuff. At the very least, it might stop me from baking when I shouldn’t!